Brouhaha: Spring Weekend Packing List

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Crampons definitely a must.

Brouhaha is an all-new, entirely satirical column. It’s (my) views, jokes, and opinions are by no means endorsed by Blog. My editors made me say that so that I wouldn’t besmirch Blog Daily Herald’s sterling journalistic accolades with my bullshit. Enjoy.

Spring Weekend is starting very soon. While most folks are getting pretty stoked about the performances, it’s important to remember to thoroughly prepare yourself for the festivities. Please consult the packing list below to ensure that you are ready to enjoy Spring Weekend in a safe, responsible, and fun way.

Boxing gloves are essential items at any concert. They will protect your fingernails, while also allowing you to more easily maneuver to the front of the crowd by punching anyone who stands in your way. You should be fine with a basic model such as the Everlast Pro Style Training Gloves, but if you’re looking to really get ahead of the crowd, I’d recommend the Venum Challenger 2.0.

Once you’ve fought your way to within spitting zone of the stage, a good a pair crampons will help you keep your ground. You really don’t want to skimp on the crampons, because with a lower-quality pair you’ll be swept away in no time (remember, most people will be wearing boxing gloves). My personal recommendation is the Black Diamond Sabretooth Pro Step-In with ABS Plates. Trust me, those puppies are so strong they could keep you rooted to the ceiling.

Crampons

Just look at those ABS plates…Wow.

 

Once you’ve fought your way to the front of the crowd, and rooted yourself to the ground, you’ll want to stay for a while. To reduce muscular fatigue in your legs and feet, a good pair of Moon Boots is a must. Moon Boots are comfy and fun, and the various color options are a great way to express your unique Spring Weekend style. Jump into some Moon Boots, snap on your Black Diamond Sabretooths, and you’ll be wylin’ and stylin’ until the morning comes, at which point you’ll need a bulldozer to tear you and your crampons out of the lawn.

Concerts can get a little rowdy sometimes, and you can’t always be prepared to defend yourself with your boxing gloves. For this reason, added chest protection will ensure that you have a safe and fun Spring Weekend. A good old medieval breast plate should do the trick. And while you’re at it, you may as well get a Benzara Metal Crusader Helmet, to protect you from localized head injuries and rogue beer throwers.

Crusader helmet

On second thought, maybe you should just stay home.

Image via, via, and via


Last Call: Abby Plummer

Then + Now

Then + Now

As the semester progresses at the speed of light, the senior class is beginning to make peace with that fateful day in May: Commencement. Until the class of 2015 leaves us, BlogDH wants to highlight all the interesting things they’ve been up to. To this end, we’re (re)starting the series Last Call, which features seniors reflecting on their experiences at Brown. Each featured senior will tag another senior for the next installment. Find this year’s other “Last Call” chain here and our RISD “Last Call” chain hereWe’re restarting one of our chains with this post.

People might know me as… Mara? Emily? For some reason people often really confidently mistake me for other people. I think it’s my hair color.

In my time at brown, I am most proud of… The class that my incredible, inspiring GISP-mates and I crafted this year, Race and Gender in the Scientific Community. I learned so much from them, and am bursting with pride at what we accomplished last semester. Check us out!

On Friday night, you might find yourself… Snuggling.

3 things you wish you knew freshman year:

  1. It’s okay to stay up really late once in a while. A good conversation is worth way more than a good night’s sleep.
  2. That being said, the amount you sleep is definitely correlated to your mood. So make sure to sleep, especially two nights before an exam. Also, you’re going to develop some weird superstitions about sleep. Try to make friends who will not make fun of you too much for them. You will inevitably fail at this task.
  3. Don’t tell so many people you have mono. A shocking number of them will still remember and bring it up senior year.

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New Jim Crow selected as First Readings book for Class of 2019

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In an email to the Brown community this morning, Dean of the College Maud Mandel announced that Michelle Alexander’s 2010 bestseller, The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in an Age of Colorblindness, will be the First Readings book for the incoming Class of 2019. Alexander’s book has won rave reviews for its searing, comprehensive look at how the incarceration system in the United States consistently and deliberately targets black Americans, turning many into second-class citizens without basic rights, including the right to vote. Mandel called the selection “compelling and timely,” and she is “confident that this choice for the First Readings Program will inspire productive discussions among students and their seminar leaders.”

Bluestockings published a petition endorsing the selection last December. The letter argued for The New Jim Crow‘s selection on the basis of its merits as a powerful conversation starter for incoming Brown students:

We identify the first-reading as a critical opportunity to begin redefining a culture at Brown that would ask students to constantly grapple with the myriad social constructs that each of us exist within. Brown’s institutions, just as those in the academy and American society at large, perpetuate systems of inclusion and exclusion that are not yet bled of their racist and classist roots. While Michelle Alexander specifically handles the case of contemporary anti-black and anti-brown policing and incarceration strategies, embedding these strategies in historical racism and classism, her book can offer lessons for the immediate Brown community. It is our hope that the conversations that stem from the first-reading discussion groups will introduce students to engagement with the intersections of race and class (within Brown and beyond) as well as spark a sustained interest in examining these and other systems of oppression.

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Frosh-cessities: Spring Weekend advice for newbies

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A couple years back, some freshman bloggers sat down with our older staff members to learn what to expect from Spring Weekend. Now those freshmen are all growns up and ready to play mentor to a whole new generation of little ones. Hence, I sat down in an exclusive interview with (an anonymous) one of them and got all the hot and important tips for Spring Weekend. If this is your first Spring Weekend, check out the advice below for all the information you need to enjoy the weekend!

What is your number one piece of advice for Spring Weekend? 

Make sure you eat a lot of alcohol-absorbing foods, like lots of bread. Also don’t be ashamed to go to sleep. It is okay to call it quits on Friday and Saturday night.

What is the biggest mistake you made at Spring Weekend?

Getting too drunk to not remember the acts. As far as I am concerned Chance did not perform.

Any wardrobe advice?

Wear pants and a t-shirt or tank. Sweaters suck when you are in a crowd. Shorts are bad for after.

Craziest thing you have seen at spring weekend?

Kendrick Lamar performing on 4/20 and at 4:20 he noticed some kid wearing Beats headphones and Kendrick called the kid out and said, “This bitch is killing my vibe.”

What time should you get to Spring Weekend? 

Get there on time if you want to see the act. It’s hard to say what time because no one is looking at their watches, but if you are headed to your second pregame you should think again and just go to the concert. Also get there early to see What Cheer? Brigade. Also also, you can’t leave once you get there.

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Tips to get up front at Spring Weekend

Assuming you were able to snag tickets amid the free-for-all online scrum on Monday, it’s still likely that you won’t end up directly in front of center stage. If you want to high five Isaac Brock or kiss/fight Waka Flocka Flame, you’re going to have to get creative. Here are our suggestions for how to get up to the front of a Spring Weekend concert without overtly looking like an asshole:

“Uhhh… I don’t feel so good.”

Proclaim how dizzy and sick you are feeling as you move forward through the crowd. Throw in a “I think I’m gonna…” here and there. If people don’t respond, bend over and cover your mouth with your hands.

Effectiveness:✯✯✯✯ Getting puked on is one of many things that can immediately ruin someone’s spring weekend experience. Anyone paying attention will step aside once aware of the ticking vomit-bomb.

Act distressed.

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Yell “Fuck” while repeatedly covering and uncovering your face with your hands. Pretend that you lost your phone and/or significant other at the front of the crowd.

Effectiveness:✯✯ People on Spring Weekend are generally in a pretty good mood. The sight of someone distressed will conflict with built up positive energy; this might leave them annoyed for a second but they’ll be happy once you’re out of sight.

Crowd surf.

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Get some friends to hoist you atop the crowd and succumb to the will of those underneath you.

Effectiveness: ✯✯✯✯✩ This strategy may not get you to the front but you can make progress if you are persistent. Crowd surfing will also leave a gap between the people behind you, which your friends can use to make their way forward.

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Spring Weekend Artist Lyrics: A Dramatic Reading

We rounded up some of Brown’s most talented performers and asked them to theatrically interpret the lyrics of this year’s Spring Weekend Lineup. You’ll never listen to Waka Flocka the same way again.

Video by Frida Perez ’17 and Eddie Mansius ’17.