An exclusive interview with the Pembroke Hawk

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Students walking across Pembroke on Monday got a firsthand look at the circle of life in action, and were reminded how much it sucks to be at the bottom of the food chain.

Squirrels have been getting way out of hand lately. Fortunately, there’s a new sheriff in town to keep Brown’s furry denizens in line. A red-tailed hawk has been hanging around Pembroke campus recently, eating squirrels and attracting crowds of interested students. But who is this hawk? Where is it from? What is it doing here? I climbed up the tree to meet the bird behind the feathers.

BlogDailyHerald: Hey there, mind if I share the branch with you?

Hawk: Sure, there’s plenty of room up here! But don’t touch my squirrel [indicates shredded squirrel carcass lying across branch].

BlogDH: Haha.

Hawk: Seriously, if you touch my squirrel I will gouge out your eyeballs.

BlogDH: Okay okay, I understand. So, how’s your day going?

Hawk: Oh you know, typical Monday. Took care of a few things around the nest this morning, then went out hunting. I was still a little groggy from the weekend, so I wasn’t on top of my game. Luckily this sucker [prods squirrel carcass with talon] was wandering around in the middle of the green like he owned the place. Easy money.

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Frosh-cessities: How to prepare for family weekend

It is easy to lie to your family over the phone: “Oh yeah mom everything is going well, can I call you back in a minute? I’m just finishing up some homework,” you say, as you and your roommate and try frantically to put out a fire that you started when you tried to light each other’s farts. Or to make it seem like you have things under control over text.”Hey dad, I spent all my money on books. Can you send me some more?” you send, as your drug dealer holds you at gun-point in the Blue Room sandwich line. You’ve been living on the edge, taking no prisoners, and are definitely still overwhelmed and confused. That’s normal (right???), and having your parents around for a weekend may seem daunting, but there are some easy tips to staying ahead of your shifty, nosey, and overbearing parentals. The last thing you want is another lecture; you’re in college now and are way too cool/don’t have time for that.

Step 1: Be ready for an interrogation 

Here are two different hypothetical conversations, one not prepared, and one prepared, between my mom and me. Learn from me to avoid mistakes and your mom’s wrath.

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5 scary things to think about this Halloween

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Halloween is rapidly approaching, which means the season of scary has arrived. The holiday features frights such as ghouls, clowns, bats, feeding copious amounts of candy to pre-diabetic children, and, this yeah, the fact that sexy Olaf costumes are a thing . To add to that list of horrors, try thinking about these 5 alternative scary things this Halloween:

1. The national debt

The national deficit is the money the government takes in minus the money the government spends, and the national debt is the total amount borrowed to fund that deficit. The current national debt totals in around $17,904,969,580,881.62. That’s more than $17 trillion, folks, increasing by $75 million every hour. Bored in class? Watch the debt go up in real time here. Fun! Eerie!

2. The capriciousness of life

Everything that happens in life is random. There are no constants. Despite any attempt to find patterns or systems of causation, there is no way to predict or explain why things happen to us. Nothing happens for a reason. Success is not guaranteed, and every step forward is just the result of a lucky draw from a rigged lottery. Consider how everything you do doesn’t really matter as you wait in line for for the Midnight Organ Concert. Hair-raising!

3. Your own insignificance

You are very insignificant, in the big scheme of things. You are just one of over 7 billion people in the world, part of a single iteration of the human population. It has been only 200,000 years since anatomically modern humans first appeared. The first life forms appeared on earth between 3.8 and 3.5 billion years ago. The earth itself was formed around 4.54 billion years ago. The span of modern civilization is a millisecond in comparison to the history of this planet. You take up a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of that millisecond. You are an indiscernible smudge on the surface of our planet, just a minuscule sphere composed of crust and mantle, in our solar system, in a galaxy, in the ever-expanding, timeless vastness of the universe… Think about that as you wolf down excessive amounts of candy this Halloween. Creepy!

4. Your own mortality

This Halloween, try to get a grasp on your own mortality. You may think you are young and invincible, but every day is just one step on the slow march toward death. Death is life’s principle constant. Just as everybody poops, everybody dies, though death cannot be better regulated with Activia or a high-fiber diet. Death is everywhere. As you go out next weekend, take a look at all the things dying around you — leaves, insects, and also, yourself. Chilling!

5. Blue Room muffins are 400 to 600 calories each.

I know. *cries* Spooky!

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Images via and via. 


Blogify: What Brown students actually listened to from 1982-1987

Nothing makes me happier than listening to old music and exploiting my parents for their good taste in it. Here’s what Brown students, now alums, really listened to while they were really here while doing normal things like going to the Ratty, having 5 a.m. Loui’s, and tripping balls during R.E.M.’s Spring Weekend show on Pembroke Field. If you wanna pretend you’re my parents, sharing a doobie and serenading each other in Barbour–then called “New Applebee”–in 1986, jam out to this. (Thanks for co-DJing, Mom and Dad.)


Are Whiskey Wednesdays a thing of the past?

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Way back in the day, Brown University students flocked to Fish Company Bar & Grille (aka FishCo) every Wednesday night for alcohol, stripper poles, and bouncers who were happy to turn a blind eye to even the worst of fake IDs. But FishCo sadly closed in 2011 (perhaps because of said bouncers), right before the current seniors arrived at Brown for their freshman year. In its place opened The Whiskey Republic – or WhisCo, in homage to its predecessor – yet again providing a Wednesday night activity for Brown Students.

This fall, though, there has been something amiss on our regular hump day Whiskey visits. What has traditionally been Brown Night seems to have transformed into Providence College (PC) Night, with a smattering of 21+ Brown students.

PC night has traditionally been on Thursdays, but only allows 21+ students. Recently, PC students caught wind of the 18+ privilege that has been bestowed upon Brown, and naturally flocked to the bar on Wednesday, crowding the 18+ line before Brown students had even started pre-gaming. The Brown students of legal drinking age had no trouble getting in, but those without legit IDs (or really, really good fakes) were deterred by the absurdly long line and peaced it back to campus. One sophomore says, “One night… we walked all the way down there and literally as soon as Whiskey came into our sights we saw about 150 kids wandering around the street and I just kept hearing ‘at capacity, at capacity.’ I honestly only recognized, like, 10 kids outside, all the rest were PC kids. That was precipitated by the week before, when we got there and the lines were already around the corner, and I tried sneaking in through a side door and got kicked out and had to take a full lap around the block, then barely got back into Whiskey. So yeah, after that second time I tried going, I knew we were fucked.”

After a couple weeks of these shenanigans, rumors began to swirl that Brown night at Whiskey would be coming to a halt, perhaps because the PC students were a more reliable source of profit. I sat down with Grant Senne ’16, a member of Theta Delta Chi fraternity and Brown night coordinator, for the inside scoop.

Can you address the rumors that Wednesday night is becoming PC night?

It is not. There has been a Providence College contingent that [has] probably been higher than it has in the past, due to, I’d say, a dwindling number of Brown students just electing not to come out on Wednesday night for whatever reason […] whether it’s midterms or studying. It is still a Brown event, and through things like this UNICEF event that’s going on tonight, which is a fundraising night, the owners of the Whiskey Republic and [Theta Delta Chi fraternity] plan to continue to make it a Brown night. And to enforce that and try to get Brown attendance back up, if you bring your Brown ID you get to skip the line… in order to ensure that if there’s a Brown student there, they’re not turned off by the fact that there are Providence College students waiting in line as well. So we can still make it as much of a Brown event as people want it to be.

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It Takes Two, Celeb Edition: Freshman guys and their famous Doppelgängers

Have you felt recently like you are seeing a lot of celebs around campus? Well, Emma Watson graduated and I am still NOT Ellen DeGeneres, so likely you are seeing a freshman guy who just happens to look like A-list celeb. Keep an eye out of campus for…

Grant Sholem / Seth Meyers

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Get to know Grant: When Grant is not sitting behind a desk, he is probably complaining about the “cold” weather, and how “in LA everything is better and prettier.” You may know Grant from the Brown Admirers Facebook group page, and recognize his sharp chin, tan cali-skin, and striking resemblance to the hilarious Seth Meyers. Or, you may know Grant from that time he won the Orange County Regional U-12 junior, lightweight fencing championship, where he placed in second until he was later disqualified for being confused with 30-year-old Seth Meyers. Classic Cali-mix up.

Ryan Simshauser / Young Joseph Gordon-Levitt

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Get to know Ryan: If you ask Ryan if he is actually Joseph Gordon-Levvit he won’t deny it, but rather ask for your number, then request that you take a photo with him and tag him in it ASAP. He is known for wearing his signature sunglasses and reminding you that he in fact took a gap year. Look for Ryan to be a physical athletic presence, whether he is playing club frisbee, intramural basketball, or fifth-string pickup touch football quarterback. There is an urban myth that if Ryan wears his sunglasses inside at night, there will be 500 more days of summer. Fun fact, Ryan was a body double for Joseph in Inception, and has testified that DiCaprio smells like cinnamon.

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