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  1. Jason Becker '09 '10

    Hi Jill and Melanie. My friends and I graduated from Brown this last May. I am currently studying at Brown for my fifth-year masters. One of my best friends finally found a job four weeks ago in Providence. He asked me if he could stay at my small, one bedroom apartment for a week or so while he found a place of his own. Four weeks later my living room has been taken over and my futon smells like bachelor. He only works a part-time job and makes very little money so I feel guilty pushing him out because I know what a financial burden it will be for him. How do I evict my friend?

  2. BDH Advice Squad

    Yikes. Well, the way we see it, you could do this in one of two ways. The first is the more mature, but significantly more awkward and less fun method. Go onto Craigslist, find a few cheap apartments (one good thing about Providence is the decent rent) and have a little sit-down with your friend. Explain to him that while you love him dearly, you feel like you are in a crappy Owen Wilson comedy (we’ll let you figure out which one), and then give him a deadline for moving out. If you are a wuss and need a scapegoat, you can also ask your landlord to send a letter about a guest not on the lease. Or, even easier, just make a fake one up yourself. We sympathize with the financial concerns, but quite frankly he should have considered that before he moved to Providence for a low-paying, part-time job. Again, this might be a little uncomfortable, but be strong! Most likely he will understand, but you might have to give him a nudge every now and then.

    The other method is more passive-aggressive, more time-consuming, and probably far less effective. Nonetheless, if successful, you get rid of your friend without looking like a jerk! By this we mean, make living at your apartment absolutely unbearable. We’ll leave this up to your imagination but here are a few suggestions to get you going:

    1) Play terrible music very loudly whenever your friend is sleeping, and then pretend you didn’t realize he was trying to sleep.
    2) Is he allergic to cats or dogs? Get one. Or somehow get pet dander all over the couch so that he feels miserable.
    3) Walk around naked all the time.
    4) Spray him with a water bottle like a stray cat.

    Good luck! If he’s a good friend, he’ll get it. Otherwise, you can always toss his stuff out and change the locks.

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