What do untied shoes and Full House re-runs have in common? At first glance, very little. But I’m certain that I did not go a day during my adolescent life where I didn’t come into contact with one or both of these utterly annoying facts of life. College has gracefully granted me a reprieve from these day ruiners because I don’t have time to watch TV and I haven’t had to tie my shoes once thanks to my arsenal of slip-on footwear.
Now, I love a good pair of Chuck Taylors as much as the next guy, but being a man on the run, I’m looking for low maintenance and easy and slip-ons offer me the convenience I need.
There are infinitely many pairs of no-tie shoes in the world, but I’m going to take a page from our buddy Linnaeus and present a taxonomy of slip-on footwear after the jump.
Boat Shoes aka “Natty Rainboots”: what better way to start a conversation than, “Hey bro, are those Sperrys?” One double knot and boat shoes become the ultimate slip-on experience, offering a fashionable (and generally liquid-proof) leather exterior with rubber soles and an anti-blister interior—just don’t forget to baby powder the inside or boat shoe stink is inevitable.
TOMS and Vans aka “The Hipster Slippers”: when the presence of laces really grinds your ironically mustached gears, look no further than the slip-on offerings of Vans and TOMS shoes. And with TOMS there’s the added bonus of donating shoes to a person in need with every purchase—enough good karma to cancel out that time you purchased that APC shirt for the five finger discount at Barneys Co-op.
Flip-Flops aka “The Summertime Slip-on”: the most universal of all species of slip-on shoes due to its incredible range. From Reefs to those ones with those little Brazilian flags on them, there is a flip-flop for everyone—yes, even the Williamsburg crowd.
Merrells aka “The Grizzly Adams Slip-on”: A suede-type material, odd color schemes and soles reminiscent of Firestone tires. They’re durable, inexpensive and supposedly comfortable (according to my high school math teacher)—I’ve yet to see a pair at Brown.
Crocs aka “The I Have No Shame Slip-on”: If you don’t know what Crocs are, you are one fortunate human being.
So there you have it, the Frosh-cessity guide to slip-on shoes—now go get a pair!