Sexction: Brown-out Bobby

Hello World.

I’m C. Lit Student.  Here to talk about relationships and sex.  Anything from booty-calls to true love (if that even exists) is fair game.  Brown University is like one big orgy and I’m here to take a step back and shed some light on what’s happening in the dark (or the light… it’s a personal preference really).

Ever woken up and said “Shit what happened last night?”  Everyone has had at least one BROWN-OUT experience.  Definition:  BROWNING OUT is when you have a little too much Kool Aid and you find yourself forgetting exactly what happened last night.  I’m not talking about roofies or straight up blackouts – things are just a little fuzzy, that’s all.

My friend Brown-out Bobby wound up, after a wonderful night hopping from water polo houses to hipster hang outs, with a hot a cappella honey in his sheets.  Problem is–when he woke up in the morning he couldn’t remember how far they had gone.  She was lying next to him.  Was it a make out and pass out, or did he make this lady sing?  He checked the room for signs, but there was no clear evidence.  Before he had time to process, A Capella Amy was up and ready to walk home.  Maybe a few subtle questions would help solve things.

“Fun thing we did last night, huh?” asked Brown-out Bobby.

“Yeah”

“Glad we did what we did… Which was?”

“Which was fun.  Yeah.”

Alas there was no hope.  He had to awkwardly kiss her on the cheek and send her off into the world.  Ever wondering what happened.

Did Brown-out Bobby do the right thing? Or should he have admitted he didn’t remember anything?  Is there any good way to say… “Hey, um did we have sex last night because if it was bad… it’s totally okay because I was plastered?”  Maybe a Hallmark card will do? Regardless, Brown-out Bobby never learned what happened that night.  My advice?  Always assume you did it.  What fine lady is spending the night with a stranger if she isn’t in it for the full package (or your full package)?

See you at next weeks Sexction.

Your Lady,

C. Lit Student.

P.S. If you want to ask any anonymous questions, email them to blog@browndailyherald.com!

2 Comments

  1. lizbeth

    The Herald’s own survey about sex on campus harldy paints this picture of continual orgies. Can’t remember the numbers, but the amount of partners for an average person was pretty low single digits and many were virgins. In an attempt to be hip, you sound like an idiot.

  2. Jane

    In response to the above comment, this is clearly not a fact based hard hitting news article. It’s supposed to be FUNNY. Which it is. And clever–it’s so true about that fuzzy in-between between tipsy and blackout.

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