8 Simple Rules for Speed Dating at Brown

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, The University has presented us all with a chance to make profound personal connections in less time than it takes to read this post with not one, but two speed dating events. If you’re like most college students, the most experience you’ve had with speed dating is a night at Fish Co. (may she rest in peace). No need to fear, however, Blog Daily Herald is here with 8 useful tips for the speed dating virgin after the jump.

1. Stick with a Handshake
We’ve all had experience with the awkwardness of the “kiss-hug limbo” and doing it with someone you’ve only just met is probably the best way to make a potentially uncomfortable situation actually uncomfortable.

2. Don’t Show Up Wasted
A single vodka martini made James Bond irresistible to women, but you’re a college student and social drinking is a foreign concept. There’s nothing worse than trying to articulate your major while your date hears nothing but “Budble mayoring in Gognitib Euroscience.”

3. Be a Good Listener
Midway through the date, remove a running tape recorder and place it casually on the table in front of you. Silently raise your eyebrows and give your date a look that says “I am a man wealthy enough to own a tape recorder.” Do this even if you are a woman.

4. Perfume (or Cologne) Yourself
Smell is the sense most connected with memory, so if you want to give your speed-date a good, lasting impression, make sure to season yourself with a spritz of your signature scent. Plus, this Cosmo article says that fragrance is a key element to seduction, which means that it must be true of course. But please, apply appropriately, you don’t want to give your date a headache. And if you’re not sure what appropriate perfume application is, Cosmo’s friend GQ can help you out.

5. Discuss What You Know
This is not the time to try to impress others with your pseudo knowledge about U.S. Foreign Affairs, Roland Barthes, or the aesthetic failures of the Bilbao Guggenheim (especially if your only exposure to it came from this Mariah Carey video). Instead, if you’re into beat boxing, talk about beat boxing. If you like the hipster lifestyle, talk about the hipster lifestyle. If you like BDSM…no, don’t even think about it—this is speed dating after all.

6. Act Interested (even if you’re not)
The Golden Rule says “treat others the way you would like to be treated.” Your brand new Verizon iPhone might be more interesting than your date, but don’t let him/her know that. Even more importantly, don’t spend your time checking out the date to the left of you. It’s 2 minutes. You can do it.

7. Say Nothing
A silent speed date is a successful speed date. Meet your date’s gaze steadily, but not too steadily! The last thing you want is for the steadiness of your gaze to become a point of discussion. To prevent your date from talking, always act like you are about to say something by clearing your throat and opening your mouth slightly, or raising your finger like you are about to make an important point.

8. Give a Fake Number
The key idea here is to indicate to your date that you are not interested in them, playing ‘hard-to-get’ and making them want you all the more. However, a major disadvantage of the fake number is that the they usually do not discover it is fake until after the date is over. It is therefore critical that you provide a number that your date can immediately tell is false.

DATE: Wow, you’re so silent and mysterious! What’s your number?
YOU: It’s — are you ready? Four zero one. Five.
DATE: 401-5?
YOU: Yes.

You can also try hesitating for a moment and then saying you forgot your number, which signals to your date that you are so far above them that you can’t even be bothered to recite a few digits. This is a huge turn-on.

East Campus Speed Dating will be this Thursday from 8pm to 9pm in Barbour Lounge.

Speed Dating Presented by 2014 Class Board will be this Saturday from 7-9 in Petteruti Lounge.

(Cartoon via Blog on Cherry)

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