Post- Editors’ Top 10: Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Valentine’s Day

Tomorrow marks February’s second main event, always nestled between the Super (expensive commercial) Bowl and much appreciated President’s Day Weekend. Whether you’ve got big plans involving fine dining and Barry White, or you’ve decided upon moping around in the overcast February weather like Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine, you should be able to appreciate Post-‘s Top 10 from this past Thursday:

1. Ratty at 6:00?

2. I’ve developed a gag reflex.

3. You know I’m gay, right?

4. CVS ran out of condoms. I got balloons.

5. Meesa Jar Jar Binks! Meeeeeesa wanna touch you!

6. I’m not drunk enough yet.

7. I f*cking love cocaine!

8. Does it always look like that?

9. Are you allergic to seafood? Because I think I’ve got crabs.

10. Sorry, new phone. Who is this?

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