Sexction: How to Sleep with Your TA

Valentine’s Day has arrived.  And if you’re a sad single, I’m sure that even the smelly dude from your freshman year unit is starting to look like a prime piece of meat. I want to keep you on the path to righteousness, however, and show you how to get that sexy TA you drool at every MWF.   I have realized recently that everyone wants to have sex with their TA.  So I have decided to compile a few helpful remarks to help you reach your goal.

First off, this isn’t going to be easy.  I know about 25 girls who all went after the hot Asian NEUR0010 TA (yeah… you know who I’m talking about).  So if you aren’t up for the challenge, back down now.

Now there are two very different groups of TAs… the undergrad and the graduate.  The graduate students are like the big leagues.  I recommend starting small.  Conquer ENGN0090 and then you can move up from the minors.

A good general rule: The larger the class, the harder it’s going to be to get that ass.  So, sit in the front row.  Gentlemen: don’t be afraid to wear your skinny jeans that give you the perfect package.  And ladies show off your melons (if you’ve got ‘em).

The first step is making contact.  Go to section.  Go to office hours.  Or, better yet, email your TA and say you are unavailable at their office hours time and that you would like to schedule a private study session.  Make it at Blue State — it’s like an automatic first date.

After you have made the first step, keep up constant flirtation.  But don’t be a stalker.  Don’t be creepy.  Don’t be dumb.  Don’t try and make out with them drunk at a party unless you are ready to kiss your A goodbye.  But if the class is S/NC, do it!

If you suck as a person… don’t hit on your TA.  Make sure to tell them how smart they are and act interested in section.  Who knows, section may turn into sexction.

Good luck on your quest.

Until Next Week’s Sexction,

C. Lit Student


  1. Sax Russell

    This column is…creepy. And vaguely disturbing.

  2. Kevin

    Yeah, this could have been such a fun topic… but it does just come off as creepy and strange.

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