Life after (FishCo) death: When fakes won’t work

Olives on North Main
An easy stroll down the hill
Viva la Meatball!

Oh, Colosseum
New hub of debauchery
18-plus is huuuuge.

This morning’s Herald featured an article comparing Olives and Colosseum, the two bars trying to fill the Wednesday night void following FishCo’s demise last semester. In light of FishCo’s underage patron woes, both profiles address the “strict identification-checking policy” at the new venues. Before attempting to use your “less than legitimate” form of identification, you might want to check out the “Do’s and Don’ts of Faux Identification” on BlogDailyWashingtonSquare (NYU Local). While some of the tips are New York specific, most of them hold true to Providence as well.

The one thing you must always consider when embracing the debaucheries of Wednesday club nights is that “strict identification-checking” isn’t just some nominal management policy (a la ‘no new taxes’) – it is actually something clubs enforce. However, if you do decide to use your fake ID tonight (and risk having it taken from you) make sure to:

a) Have a good ID from a not typically faked state (avoid mid-atlantic and west coast–we’re pretty sure 30% of Brunonians do not hail from Delaware)

b) Match the general physical description on your ID, in the game of getting carded, a 2/3 on physical info won’t cut it

c) Know the address, zip code, birthday, and even astrological sign (yes- an actual bouncer did ask this). If memorization is difficult for you, consider creating a memory palace dedicated to storing your false information (see NYT article)

d) Look the bouncer in the eye, if you’re staring off into space like a fourth grader trying to recall the Bill of Rights it indicates that you’ve failed in your identification studies, and an NC never got anybody access to $2 shots

If your ID does get confiscated, don’t try arguing with the bouncer. Generally, this will not work and may lead to threats, angry stares and/or physical removal from the premises (oh my).  If you want to salvage your investment, make a good note of your stupidity and then calmly ask them if you can have the ID back with an assurance that he or she will never see your face again.

As for the Olives vs. Colosseum debate, we here at BlogDailyHerald don’t really have a preference. Our sole determinant of legitimacy for Wednesday night hot-spots is its name’s ability to be “haikuified.” Since neither Olivekus nor Haicolossekus works particularly well, we cannot really support either. Though Kulimatta Olives does sound pretty nice…

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