Sexction: Facebook Flirting, Does it Work?

We all Facebook stalk.   We look up prospective crushes to make sure their profile pictures are attractive because–let’s be real–if you don’t look good there, you never will.  And if they pass the picture test, we may create some subtle Facebook flirtation.

So, we’ll take a look at what works and what doesn’t:

Wall Posts: It’s fine to flirt a little, but subtly is key.  Don’t post anything that you don’t want their mom, your mom, or your future boss to see.  This shouldn’t be public sexting.

Private Messages: This is the way to go.   What you write here will probably only be forwarded to every homie in their very private posse of about 43 friends.  So this way only a few people will be laughing at you in the Ratty.

Photo Comments: Good luck not sounding like a pervert.  And please don’t write, “OMG, girl u r gorgeous!  Mah askjdfaksj Its not fair how attractive u r!”

Poking: Don’t ever poke.  Just because you want to poke her with your penis, that doesn’t mean a Facebook poke will help satisfy those urges.

Status Updates: Remember posting a status is like tattooing their name on your ass.  People may not see it, but you will always know it’s there.

Honesty Box: Use this if you’re a creep.  That’s all.  Nothing more.

Basically nothing works other then setting up a coffee date in a private Facebook message (but make sure you are at least Facebook friends first).  Use the Internet to create a time when you can both be away from your computers together.  If you are too scared of this… have fun playing Words with Friends alone.

Until next Sexction,

C. Lit Student.

3 Comments

  1. over9000

    solid article, again, but i think you should include personal antidotes for maximum lulz.

  2. over9000

    LMAO. anecdotes* it’s clearly 3 in the morning.

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