Brown Barrel: Ides

Note to the editor:
The voicemail in which you left me this column assignment was sort of staticky, so I wasn’t 100% clear on what the topic is supposed to be. Please accept these possible outlines for now.

THE PRIDES OF MARCH
● Getting through midterms.
● Finally shaking that cold.

THE TIDES OF MARCH
● High tide.
● Low tide.
● Medium tide.

THE SIDES OF MARCH
● Caramelized brussel sprouts.
● Roasted asparagus.
● Sauteed cabbage with spring onions.

THE IRES OF MARCH
● That you don’t have the same spring break as your friends at other schools.
● When your mom is all “are you gonna come home for Passover” and you’re like “I don’t know yet, Mom” and she’s like “well if you’re going to come home you should buy a train ticket now because it’s a busy weekend” and you’re like “no it’s not, not everyone travels for Passover” and she’s like “it’s important to be with family on the holidays” and you’re like “you’re not even religious, when was the last time you went to temple” and she’s like “that’s not important right now.”
● Summer internships not getting back to you.

THE ODES OF MARCH
● Glorious March, your ephemeral delicacy holds us poised on the brink of spring, when nature’s bloom promises to crack through the ice in the air.
● O! March, how you are cold enough to be refreshing but not so cold that we have to wear gloves and a hat all the time!

THE ADES OF MARCH
● Powerade.
● Gatorade.
● Lemonade.
● Limeade.
● St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

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