E-Mail Fail c/o JP Morgan

E-mail is a great invention, but the unfortunate truth is that with every good invention come a hundred different ways to misuse it. Since its conception, a far-too-large contingent has taken to abusing e-mail. Moms send unfunny YouTube videos. Coworkers forward inspiring stories about puppies. Teachers send assignments when they’re sick.

But screw-up of the month goes to an undisclosed JP Morgan intern who decided to advertise an after-work party with a blast email. His dad’s connections intelligence was obviously not enough to provide him with the good sense to advertise the bar party on Facebook like a normal irresponsible amateur promoter. Moreover, he also decided to stress (in bold and underlined) that “ReUnion is not strict on IDs so if you have a fake you will be fine.” In the next hour, he sent two follow-up emails: one declaring that he would move all future emails to another address, and the other stressing that the party would be 21+ and that he does not condone underage drinking. With guys like this as the future leaders of our financial institutions, a 2030 recession is inevitable. What kind of historically aware name is the lamestream media gonna give that bad boy? Great Recession’s been taken. Maybe they’ll go back to 19th century panic language. The Panic of 2030…sounds majestic. Anyway, this silly summer hire has clearly learned why work e-mail is called work e-mail.

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