The Daily Beast “Ranks” Colleges

Many would like to think that The Daily Beast is a legitimate news publication, featuring up-to-date news stories and op-ed contributions from journalistic juggernauts such as Meghan McCain. Unfortunately, actual news on The Daily Beast is merely a front, rather than a focus, that keeps the website floating somewhere in the vast expanse between TMZ and CNN.

The Beast’s bread and butter, like any other news outlet, is celebrity gossip and pop culture news. The site, however, is “unique” amongst other celebrity news websites in that it insists on presenting its pointless information of choice by making extensive slideshow lists ranging from Hollywood’s Best Worst Teachers to TV’s Best Celebrity Weddings (have you heard of any other kind of celebrity wedding these days?). Now, the editors at The Beast have decided that its random categorization approach would translate well to college rankings. If you’ve spent your life wondering which American college Tina Brown thinks is the most “Free-Spirited,” the wait is over – where Brown University stands and reactions after the jump.

  • Greenest – #8. Brown University: while many consider Brown “green” for another reason, supposedly we also earn an A (no pluses or minuses here) for sustainability. Who could have imagined that getting rid of Poland Spring completely – except for the four cases in your room, of course – would do wonders? Plus, we have those mildly entertaining solar compactor trash cans. Unfortunately, Harvard and Yale, as always, are still ahead of us…sigh. Note: part of this category’s rankings criteria is the college’s score on College Prowler’s 7-point scale for judging Green Campuses – 1. Why is The Beast not drawing its own conclusions? 2. When was the last time you saw a 7-point scale?
  • Horniest – #25. Brown University: so apparently all that sexiling was building toward something greater than you could imagine at the time…that doesn’t change your feelings of loneliness as you sat in the 3rd floor kitchen for an hour. But what do we make of being ranked 25th? Well, Swarthmore beat us, and that’s kind of upsetting. Note: This category, and most of the other ones, take their information from College Prowler. This isn’t a rankings system, it’s just College Prowler Regurgitated Edition.
  • Gay Friendly – #9. Brown University: if last year’s counter-protest wasn’t a strong enough indication of the campus’s stance on homosexuality, now College Prowler The Daily Beast has supported our community with a ranking. We’re LGBTotally accepting of any sexual orientation and to make it even better, Harvard and Yale are nowhere to be found!

While we also ranked #5 for Brainiacs (ra-ra intellectual curiosity!) and #3 for Activists (ra-ra aggressive ‘-ism’ consciousness!), there are a couple lists we should have made. Of course there are certain lists that Brunonians have no place on, such as food and weather, we’ve been snubbed again where it matters most. Brown University is shockingly absent from the Happiest (Yale’s #1) and Free-Spirited lists. Good thing college rankings are silly and nobody cares enough to even give 500 words of thought to them…

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