Hello, sexy. If you’ve got a crush on someone outside your friend group, you may be wondering: how should I act when I bump into this person outside of class? What should I do when I see my crush at a bar or a party on the weekend? Last week, I gave you tips on what behavior to avoid. So now that you’re an expert on how to avoid looking pathetic, let’s talk about how to look extra good and seal the deal.
- Hable con Ella. When in doubt, always listen to Pedro Almodovar. He knows all about getting laid, so heed his advice. Talk to her! (or him or phe, if you prefer). If you enter a party and your crush is there, march up to him/her/phe like the grown ass person that you are. You’re an authentic human. Part of that is recognizing that it’s okay to have emotions. It’s also okay to want sex or cuddling or intimacy. If you don’t put yourself out there, there’s no way that you can get any. After all, half of life is just showing up, right?
- Don’t Plan. So, now that you’ve made your way over to your crush, what do you even say? The worst move is to practice a conversation in your head before it happens. I’ve caught you doing it. When you shower in Keeney, we can all hear you mumbling and giggling to yourself as we gossip down the hall. So baby, please, turn off the faucet and tell the eager beaver in your mind to calm the eff down. The thing is, no one ever predicted a conversation correctly. Your crush isn’t a mind reader and doesn’t know when to [insert laughter here] or [ask what you’re doing later tonight] as you’ve planned in your mind. It’s best to let the conversation flow smoothly, which brings me to my third point…
- Be a Tough Critic. Chatting with your crush isn’t some weird audition for the stand-up comedian of the year. It’s a simple opportunity to re-evaluate your feelings. Stop and observe what is really going on. Rather than focusing on how you come off, why don’t you consider what your crush says and how your crush acts? If the conversation flows well, congratulations! You’ve achieved what we dating experts call “chemistry.” If it doesn’t, then don’t panic and don’t blame yourself. One person alone – no matter how funny the jokes or attractive the outfit – cannot create chemistry. If you find the conversation goes nowhere, it may be time to find a new pursuit.
- Make an Official Move. Unless you want to run around Wriston looking for Crush and driving your friends nuts, you’ll need a planned way to see each other in the future. Find a reason to exchange numbers. Examples include: “I’m having a party tomorrow. You should come! [reach for your phone here]. I don’t think I have your number.” Or “I just got a new phone and lost all my contacts [reach for your phone here]. What’s your number?” It doesn’t matter what you say. No matter what you do, it’s going to look like you want this person. Embrace it, baby. We’re adults. We lust after others. It’s perfectly normal. Get over it and get the number.
- Leave the Party While It’s Hot. Do not linger. Do not tag along to Crush’s plans. Preferably, do not sleep with your crush that same night. If you’re looking for more than sex, the best thing to do is to establish the dynamic, get the number and then leave. “I’ll see you around” or “I’m off with my friends” are non-transparent ways of saying “I’m an exciting, independent person with fun plans for the night.” And that spells out dating material in big, bright lights.
What do you want to hear about sex and dating at Brown? Email the expert at firstname.lastname@example.org.