Remember that time it snowed two months too soon?

It’s climate change, betches! I don’t mean to sound excited about that, but for any non-believers out there — the snow that fell on Saturday, October 29th better have rocked your world. And if that wasn’t enough to get you thinking, this snowfall was NYC’s earliest since 1869. In the dialogue about climate change, there’s a lot of emphasis on the global warming bit, but the truth is that our climate is changing in a lot of other extreme ways, too. In case you haven’t noticed, winters have been colder and longer in the past few years. Remember how long it took to whip out our short shorts last spring? Hate to break it to ya, but chances are that it’ll be the same deal this year. So why, exactly, is global warming causing fucking freezing cold winters that start in October? Let me break it down for you:

Note: this is the oversimplified version of the explanation, get at me for the dirty deetz. 

1. ice caps are melting because of higher global temperatures

2. as ice sheets melt, less of the heat on earth can be reflected back out

3. wait doesn’t that mean it’s getting hotter? 

4. yes, it does but it also means that the oceans are getting warmer, so the ice is melting even faster, and where is all that ice water going?

5. ohh. where?

6. all that freezing cold water is coming down into the Atlantic Ocean Gulf Stream — the warm ocean current that starts down in Florida and comes up the East coast of the US. When the cold water from the polar ice caps begins to circulate in with the Gulf Stream, our waters get colder and so does our weather.

There’s a lot more to it than that, and it may not necessarily make you feel better, but at least you know to think twice about what global warming even means. So, grab a scarf, some mittens and some ankle-length wool socks, and get ready for mother winter. And, while you’re at it, you might want to break out your swim cap and one of those Japanese fans (‘sup 60 degrees on Thursday). What can we say? That’s climate change for you.

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