Life Lessons From Banner

With Pre-registration season once again upon us, it’s that time of the year when Brown students must buckle down and undertake the arduous task of actually being forced to think about what academic pursuits they’re going to pursue three months from now…

Seniors are most likely coming to the horrible realization that the only thing separating them from their job at Goldman Bain the local McDonald’s is four more credits and what’s sure to be the most epic graduation of the last decade. Meanwhile, juniors are too busy raging studying abroad to even remember to register (put down the two Euro bottle of wine and your camera for one second, I promise you’ll still be able to document your Eurotrips on Facebook when pre-registration is over).

Further down the totem pole, sophomores are surely too depressed or disenchanted with school to even open their computer, while the freshmen are once again asking: what the hell is a pin, and where do I get one?

With that in mind, we couldn’t help but wonder if searching through Banner’s extensive course listings could provide us with some much-needed guidance, helping us to better navigate this chaotic and contemplative time. Though we found little in the way of useful life advice, what we did find were some telling, if not eerily accurate, musings hidden within the inner recesses of Banner’s server.

On Sex…

HIST1973Y: Children and Childhood in America; CLPS0610: Children’s Thinking; AMCV1904H: The Teen Age; ENGN0510: Electricity and Magnetism; COLT0610D: Rites of Passage; GNSS1960N Theories and Politics of Sexual Consent; APMA2630: Theory of Probability; HIST1750: The Intimate State; MUSC0660: Sacred Harp/Shape-Note Singing; ENGN0040: Dynamics and Vibrations, AMCV1903P: Please, Please Me; ENGN1710: Heat and Mass Transfer; APMA2420: Fluid Dynamics II; AMC1903G: Oral History and Community Memory; RUSS1450: Love, Adultery, and Sexuality; PHIL0990X: Conditionals, APMA1360: Topics in Chaotic Dynamics; APMA2110: Real Analysis;  EDUC1260: Emotion, Cognition, Education 

On the 2008 Financial Crisis…

ECON1760: Financial Institutions; ECON2370: Inequality: Theory and Evidence; ECON1770: Fixed Income Securities; ARCH157: Cold Hard Cash; GEOL0160I: Diamonds; FREN2170G: Decadence; ENGL2561B: Things Not Entirely Possessed; ECON0180C: Punishment and Inequality in America; MATH1110:Ordinary Differential Equations; POLS2230: Economic Freedom and Social Justice; ECON1185: The Welfare State; COLT0810O: Civilization and Its Discontents; PPAI1701D: Aging and Public Policy; ECON1485: Social Security Reform

 On Extreme Climate Change…

GEOL1350: Weather and Climate; GEOL2930W: Numerical Climate Change Scenarios for Southern New England; ENVS0110: Humans, Nature, and the Environment: Addressing Environmental Change in the 21st Century; GEOL0160H: Chicken Little or Armageddon?; AMCV0190E It’s the End of the World As We Know It; ANTH1255: Anthropology of Disasters; AMCV0190Y Dead or Alive?; BIOL1940D: Extinct Mammals Discussion

 On Evolution…

ENGN2910K: Cell Mechanics; BIOL0200: The Foundation of Living Systems, BIOL0190H: Plants, Food, and People; BIOL0030: Principles of Nutrition; ANTH0310: Human Evolution; CLPS 1200: Thinking; PHIL1520: Consciousness; PHIL1630: Deductive Logic; CLAS1120G: The Idea of Self; ENGN1610: Image Understanding; LITR1010G: Cave Writing; POBS1601A: The Birth of the Modern World

On Robots…

CSCI0020: The Digital World; ENGN0020: Transforming Society-Technology and Choices for the Future; ENGN1930V: Engineers of the Future; CSCI 1480: Building Intelligent Robots; ENGN2540: Speech Processing; ENGN2560: Computer Vision; LITR0510B: Into the Machine; BIOL6810: The Bionic Man; CSCI2951A: Robots for Education; EINT2200: Academic Interactions; COLT1821T: On Being Bored; CLPS0120: Introduction to Sleep

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