Quarter Life Crisis: When the DFMO won’t sustain you no mo’

As a freshman, you come to college and you relearn the wonders of alcohol and grinding.  People you have never met become objects of desire because, well, how bad can he/she be?  After all, Brown admissions have already done some pre-screening. The wonders of the dance floor make-out  (DFMO) abound as you realize the freedom of partying on a weeknight and dressing up as a Sexy Anything for Halloween.  How long can this frivolousness sustain itself before we ask for more?

I’m first to expound upon the wonders and beauties of the former Fish Company.  I have systematically expedited my Wednesday night meetings for three years in the hope of letting loose down by the water.  However, as the years have progressed, I have taken to the dance floor more sparingly and begun to post up with friends, using the time to catch up with people I neglect in favor of the daily grind.  The freshmen continue to flood in, acting like live projections of my hazy memories.  It’s not about the amount of energy or even about the BAC, but about disillusionment that comes with time (Spoiler Alert: you are not going to find your significant other at the Whiskey Republic).  As we get older, what is it we seek from “going out?”

This question goes hand in hand with one we delicately put to the back of our minds on a shockingly frequent basis: How well do you know your acquaintances at Brown?  Aside from a conservative wave on the street or a nod of recognition, do you know the aspirations or even concentrations of the people with whom you rub elbows on a weekly basis?  Ways to bridge the real person-drunk person divide after the jump:

  1. Drunkenly scream in the person’s ear: “We should get coffee some time!” Exchange numbers and actually follow up.
  2. If you are taking a class together: Collaborate on a project. No better way to show off your skillz than to flex those noggin muscles.
  3. If you’re actually interested: Ask him or her to a meal. This doesn’t have to be sexual, but also applies to friend flirting.  If you want to be casual and you’re not on meal plan, think about going to Bagel Gourmet (“Ole” is optional).  Even if you don’t usually eat bagels (omigosh carbs!), your Jewish mother, literal or your most stereotypically Jewish friend, will thank you for getting into the relationship game.
  4. Keep asking questions: Rather than make small talk, actually listen to what the person is saying.  Shut off your internal monologue – I am going to need many, many Nice Slices later – and pay attention. These are future leaders of America, people!  Take advantage of your social resources.
  5. Ditch the alcoholism in favor of casual beers: Maybe you want to transition your relationship but you aren’t ready to ditch the alcoholic buzz. Substitute wild parties and loud music for a round of beers at the GCB.
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