(Campus)Lifehacker: EPIC Shortcuts, Part 2

Let’s face it, here at Brown there’s just not enough time in the day to waste it walking hither and thither. Your brutal schedule of Russian Lit and AMCV0190E demands that you methodically obliterate every single superfluous second of transit time. We here at BlogDH want to help: by availing of some “EPIC shortcuts” that, over time, could literally add days to your life, you can use the extra time to play Farmville, read Sartre, or refresh the Blog page to increase our hits! The insider tips [Part 2!] to navigating Brown’s campus at near-lightning speed are after the jump:

EPIC Shortcut #4: The Bridge to Learning

The ramp shortcut to the Rock looks small, but it has EPIC health benefits. Now, I’m no orthopedist, but I’m willing to bet stairs aren’t exactly great for the ol’ joints. My (un)professional opinion is: if there’s a ramp, take it. Sure, the ramp shortcut doesn’t look like much, but with all the times you’ll enter and exit the Rock in your Brown career, it’ll save you a lifetime total of 5 minutes! and protect you from early-onset arthritis to boot. 

Difficulty: 2 of 5 – Sometimes the walkway can get congested with people and/or squirrels. Also, it is a bridge, and there are intrinsic safety risks. (Remember, the BlogDailyHerald recommends that you always wear a helmet, at all hours of the day and in any and all life situations.)

~~~

EPIC Shortcut #5: Lyman.

Nightmare scenario: Gnocchi day at the Ratty – lines are extra long. You finished lunch late and only have two minutes to get from the Ratty to JWW to give your final class presentation on Byzantine erotica. Good thing there’s an EPIC shortcut! First: avoid the Main Green crowds by rushing past Littlefield. Then, dart past the rear of Sayles. “But I’m going to have to go turn left at Salomon to go under Faunce!” you say? False, my astute and cooperative reader. Instead, charge forward through the Lyman double doors, onto the indoor plateau, and out into a burst of EPIC shortcut-sweetened sunshine. JWW is now at your fingertips, and you can use those extra 2 minutes! to prep your A+ presentation.

Difficulty: 3 of 5 – The Lyman shortcut serves as a reminder to all of us, that sometimes going through a building is faster than going around it. Another example: From the SciLi to Manning St. (or vice versa) through Barus and Holley.

~~~

EPIC Shortcut #6: Stairway to Geoff’s

Anyone who’s spent a few years on campus here knows that there’s only one reason to look forward to Tuesdays: BOGO at Geoff’s Superlative Sandwiches. If you haven’t yet put your lips on one of Geoff’s brilliant sandwiches, GO THERE. If you have, GO THERE FASTER, by way of EPIC shortcut #6. Head east on Meeting St. long enough and you’ll find an adorable set of stairs hugged by nicely manicured grass. Now, I’m no orthopedist, but I recommend that you take stairs in any and all instances… In this case, they can save you an extra 2 minutes!

Difficulty: 3 of 5 – The difficulty isn’t in the shortcut itself, but instead in restraining yourself from going to Geoff’s too often.

~~~

EPIC Shortcut #7: The Tunnel

Never before in human history has a shortcut been so EPIC. Not even the “great circles” of non-Euclidian air travel can compare to the mind-blowing EPICNESS of a shortcut carved out of the Earth itself. The Tunnel is your friend. Use it. Love it. Save yourself the exertion, and an extra 10 minutes!

Difficulty: 5 out of 5 – The Blog responsibly recommends that you only use this shortcut as intended: with the assistance of your free RIPTA pass. Attempting to traverse this shortcut on foot, bike, scooter, or Segway is illegal and inordinately dangerous… good luck!

2 Comments

  1. Lyman-friend

    Good old Lyman has been in my bag of tricks since freshman year. I’d even put it at around 4, rather than 2 minutes saved. But do remember the (almost certain) risk of questioning looks from theater concentrators.

Leave a Reply