Sexction: Heather’s Guide to Oral Sex, Part 1

Editorial Disclaimer: This post has been created by college students for college students.  It has been rated NC-17 for its sexual nature and anatomical references. Please proceed at your own risk. Thanks for reading! Love, BlogDH

Thanksgiving is around the corner. Finding a way to tell your partner “I’m grateful to have you in my life” can be tricky. Flowers? Too corny. A card? Overdone. Oral sex? Now there’s an idea!

Here’s the problem with oral sex: it’s more difficult than you think. An unfortunate myth has been circulating for generations – all oral sex is good sex. As REDBOOK puts it: “If you’re down there, he’s in heaven, period.”

I’m not so sure. Plenty of guys have been down there for me and I have to say, not all cunnilingus is created equally. But we’ll save the tuna tacos for next week. For this post, I’m talking about one thing: how to give your man a better BJ.

    1. Listen to the man. As my friend Jacob puts it: “50% of head feels like the best thing in the world. The other 50% feels like I’m in a torture chair.” So watch for signs that you need to change course. Is he pushing your head away? Does he look frightened? Has he lost an erection? If you find yourself stuck in a non-sticky situation, stop what you’re doing and ask what he likes.

 

    1. Make sure he feels covered. Men love to feel that they are fully inside of you. But here’s the catch: your mouth can’t cover it all. Your man’s junk is somewhere around five inches – up to eight inches if he’s favored by nature. Your mouth, unfortunately, is around two to three inches. That means you’ll have to get creative.

 

      • Use your hands. You’re not bobbing for apples. Use those fingers to jerk the Gherkin. Tighten your mouth around the head and use your hand to move up and down the shaft. Or, move your mouth and palm in tandem.

 

      • Try deep throat. Chances are you won’t make it all the way down there but it’s worth giving it a shot. Close your eyes and inhale through the mouth. Exhale deeply through your mouth as you go down the penis. Come up for air once you feel a gag sensation.

 

    1. Suck. It sounds obvious, but too many people miss this step. It’s not a Popsicle so don’t lick the thing to death.  Cup your lips around the shaft. Think “suction cup.” No such thing as too tight. Remember this: If he just wanted to get his dick wet, he could stick the tip in the toilet bowl and wiggle around.

 

    1. Do not use your teeth. It’s not a hot dog either, so please do not bite. That thing you’re doing’s not teasing. It’s just torture.  As you cup your lips around the shaft, please make sure that teeth never come in contact with his parts. Practice sticking your finger in your mouth. You shouldn’t feel anything but lips and tongue.

 

    1. Make eye contact. You don’t need to stare but a quick glance every few minutes can go a long way. Don’t be ashamed of the act.

 

  1. Swallow. Or spit. If you’re not comfortable with semen in your mouth, then just don’t give head. How can your guy enjoy the ride when he’s worried about letting you know when he’ll come? I personally think it tastes worse to hold it in your mouth but if it’s too gross to swallow, then keep a Kleenex close by. Tips for getting rid of the taste? Feed your man lots of water-dense foods like kiwis and celery. Avoid beer.

Prefer other genitalia? Stay tuned for next week. Until then, enjoy the holiday pie!

Questions for Heather? Email her at heatherhotpants@gmail.com

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