What’s My Age Again? The Highlights and Buzzkills of the Thanksgiving Day Parade

Amidst final papers, quarter-life crises and other various #BrownUProblems, the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade provides a respite from an ever-changing, fast-paced and stressful world and is also quite the nostalgia trip. Fortunately for those looking to regress over the holiday, this year’s parade didn’t disappoint—remember Gordon and Bob from Sesame Street? Buzz Lightyear? Tommy Pickles? Sonic the Hedgehog? These Thanksgiving Day Parade regulars made us feel like it was 1996 again. All we’re missing is Danny DeVito that weird monster that held its eyeballs in its hands from Aaahh!! Real Monsters. Oh yeah, and the fairest biddie of them all, Patty Mayonnaise.

Unfortunately, Macy’s introduced new balloons/performers that reminded us that we’re old and that the ’90s are long gone — and sometimes taken for granted. For example, I think we can all agree that the Diary of Wimpy Kid Balloon is just a paler, uglier version of  Doug. Also, the recent addition of a Kung Fu Panda balloon makes us contemplate and realize that if Kung Fu Panda/Jack Black is the best character/talent of the past five years, we have a serious issue.  

And who is Zendaya? Seriously, first names have been out of style since Lalaine was written off Lizzie McGuire; Raven had a vision responded to this event by hyphenating her first and middle-names to become Raven-Symone #ohsnap. I don’t know what’s most disconcerting: the fact that Zendaya looks like she’s 11, the fact that I will never know her last name because she won’t let me or the fact that Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is finally a functioning Broadway show.

Although it was great to be reacquainted with Pikachu and Ronald McDonald, Zendaya so rudely reminded us that life for the next three weeks are going to suck. If only we could turn into a puddle of ambiguous liquid and PCE from the SciLi and Rock like Alex Mack.

Zendaya #RUDE.

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