Sexction: Heather’s Guide to Oral Sex, Part 2

Editorial Disclaimer: This post has been created by college students for college students.  It has been rated NC-17 for its sexual nature and anatomical references. Please proceed at your own risk. Thanks for reading! Love, BlogDH

My last post on blowjobs was simple. Male anatomy is straightforward – the crooked ones included. But lady territory is a whole different ballpark.

Two sets of labias, a vaginal opening, a cervix, something mysterious called the g-spot, and the clitoris – that is, if you can even find it. But, hey now, Brunonian, who said life was easy? You came to a university where you would be challenged and embrace risks. The bedroom is no different.

So here we go. I’ve broken cunnilingus into a few easy bites.

1. Different strokes for different folks. I sat down to interview ten females for this post and here’s what I learned – everyone is different! One girl told me this: “If he’s not touching my clit, he’s wasting his time.” Yet another described the very opposite: “That part is too sensitive. I prefer if they go around.” My advice? Listen to your partner! Don’t be afraid to ask before trying something. And if you are on the receiving end, never fake it. How will your partner ever learn what you like?

2. Finding the little man in the pink canoe – The magic button! The hooded monk! The pearl! Call it what you may, just remember: the clitoris is king. A mystery for many, especially of the opposite sex. Think of this happy button as your home base in a game of tag. Even if you run to explore other parts of the park, you’ve gotta know to come back here.

  • Fun fact: the clitoris sometimes disappears right before orgasm.

3. The JackPot – Many females I spoke to cited direct clitoral stimulation as their favorite move. So once you’ve found it (see step two), treat it like you should.  Here are some of my favorite moves:

  • The Alphabet: Even more fun than when you learned it in kindergarten! Move your tongue to form small letters. It’s A, B, C-rrific!
  • The Humming Bird: Pucker up and hum a little tune. The vibrations will give your girl a whirl!
  • The Vacuum: Make your mama proud by whipping out this household item. Pucker your lips form a vacuum.  Think “sucking spinach out of teeth.”

4. Sailing around El Dorado – The clitoris is one heck of an organ! The tip alone has more sensory nerve endings than any other part of the human body. With so much sensitivity crammed in one tiny body part, it’s no wonder than some women prefer a more indirect touch.

  • The Other French Kiss: A favorite for those who prefer indirect stimulation, this move is sure to please. Tongue is laid flat against her vaginal opening and moved along the vulva for thirty seconds. This long lick will graze without direct contact.

5. Use your hands when you go south — You’re not handcuffed, baby. Use your hands around her body, thighs or breasts (reeeach!). You can also use your fingers while your mouth does some work upstairs. See below!

  • The Triple Threat: Lips on clit, one finger in the vagina and another in her behind. This will work the clitoris and g-spot at once.
  • Note: Please ask permission before going for it. That third hole is sensitive and it’s best to not catch her by surprise.  

6. Mind your manners. If you’re a gentleman, please do not forget to shave. Five o’clock shadows are dangerous. Nuff said.

 7. Stay down there for a few minutes. I’ve given head that’s lasted thirty minutes. You can suck it up for ten. It takes women longer to climax than men. Yes, it’s true; not all pie tastes great. But as my friend Nick says, “ Once you’re down there, you gotta stay. Just be brave.” If you’re a gentleman reading this, don’t laugh. Your parts don’t smell and taste like roses, either. A way around it? Do this dirty deed in the shower.

Enjoy the feast!

Heather HotPants

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5 Comments

  1. Sultry in St. Louis

    Dear Heather Hotpants,
    Your statement from your previous article about 50% of head being heaven and 50% of it being a mild torture exercise holds true for receiving ladies too. As one of cunnulingus’ biggest fans, I can assure you that when its good, its great. But when it’s bad, I’ve had to pay the consequences. One guy attempting to give me double the pleasure double the fun by pleasuring me digitally as well as orally, approached the exercise with such fervor (and such clumbsy fingers) that he nearly rubbed me raw! I had to ice my crotch the entire next day. Lovers of vagina the world over: fingering while going down on your lady can lead to unbelievable sensation, but make sure you’re still treating her to a tender caress. Don’t become known as her “whirling dervish”.
    All my love,
    Sultry in STL

  2. Buckle

    Like sucking spinach out of teeth? Who the hell is going to understand that reference??? Because so many people eat spinach right…..?

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