We all know Rhode Island can be a little backwards at times. From continuing to allow indoor prostitution to flourish until 2009, to the
racist awkward reality that we’re that only state in the nation with the word “plantations” still in its name (true story, look it up), this place can be a little behind the times every now and then. Throw in a dash of good ol’ fashioned Puritan anti-drinking fervor, and you’ve got a real recipe for success — a fact which might help explain why the news team over at NBC1o has been living under a rock for a better part of the last decade.
In a recent video “exclusive” (posted not but two weeks ago) , the I-team over at the local news station exposed the perils of a “dangerous new drinking game” sweeping the Providence community by storm. Now, if you’re like any other student on this campus, your ears probably immediately perk up upon hearing that magical phrase. I think the only four words I might like more in conjunction with one another are “here’s a free burrito” or “there’s the open bar.” Unfortunately for us, however, the dangerous “new” drinking game the investigative team has uncovered is about as new as Professor Hazeltine (we love you Barrett!).
What is this mystery pasttime, you ask? None other than beer pong. That’s right, the drinking game you and your friends have been playing for, like….six years. Way to go I-team, you really cracked the case on this one, jinkies!
Of course, if you’re anything like me and thoroughly enjoy when middle-aged adults attempt to explain what “the young people are doing these days” to similarly clueless individuals, you’ll appreciate the video for its more subtly humorous moments. My personal favorite is when the MADD representative, describing the inability of bar owners to keep track of how much people are drinking during beer pong tournies, mentions the importance of making sure everyone has come into the bar without being “pre-loaded”, which, she quickly adds, “the kids are doing now”.
Pre-load? I think you mean Pre-GAME, lady. I’m a person, not a thumbdrive.
Added Bonus: If you just can’t get enough of this kind of thing, here’s a little gem from a news segment on the “Vodka Tampon” craze supposedly sweeping the nation. I don’t know about you, but I think tonight I’m pre-loading with a box of Tampax and a bottle of Absolut.