5 Princeton Review rankings that Brown should have made

For a high school student, The Princeton Review is the Bible for all things collegiate; for a college student, perhaps less so. How does Brown compete with compare to other colleges this year? Happiest students? Brown gets bronze. Best newspaper? Honorable mention. Quality of Life? Número 11. However, upon closer inspection, it seems that there are several rankings from which Brown has mysteriously disappeared. Here are a few of them:

1. Most Liberal Students. You don’t see any elephants walking around campus, just quite a few asses.
2. Most LGBT-Friendly. Excuse me, Princeton Review, but I believe you are missing a ‘Q’ in there (and maybe some other letters). Do you even remember last year’s Waterman riots?
3. Least Religious Students. “I’m spiritual but not religious.”
4. Reefer Madness. 4/20 on the Main Green reeference.
5. Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians. Wait, you’re telling me that Brown is not on this list? Don’t worry man, it’s chill.

Who made you God, Princeton Review? Do you even believe in him (or capital H-i-m)? “Him,” oh how heteronormative.

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