Remember your favorite awkward pre-teen idol (or crush) Lizzie McGuire? You got inside her head, loved her bangs and her tie-dye threads. Maybe you walked her walk, maybe you talked her
stutter talk, but you definitely turned up the volume on your internal monologue (complete with animated rendering of yourself).
Lizzie is no longer on the air, and Hilary is now married and expecting. The pre-teen bubble has burst, but we see you, Lizzie McGuire — in our awkward moments and academic crises, our #collegekidproblems seem to look a lot like your #middleskoolproblems.
A semester’s trajectory, using the Lizzie lexicon:
The late-night food binge. “As long as you like the people you’re with, [*Authors’ Additions: your BAC is relatively well-endowed and you got a spicy with], ketchup on a plate’s really not that bad.” Neither is Jo’s, the Gate, or $1 Antonio’s. (8:22-8:32)
Valentine’s Day & other weekend pity parties. Because some of us will be ridin’ solo this Valentine’s Day (and every other day) and Ryan Gosling is busy _(insert awesomeness here)_-ing, many of us will be engaging in a hobby we like to call delusion. At 18+, we may be legal, but these celebrity liaisons are probably still a pipe dream. Somehow, they’re more comforting than real live failures. (0:31-0:36)
Hiding from the Bio20 cold call. If you know anything about BIOL 0200, it’s that Ken Miller’s guerilla TAs stack up Facebook pictures of the students enrolled in his Salomon 101-packed introductory bio class. The pictures are later used in class as a way to
encourage ensure attendance and instill fear/minor embarrassment in his students. Our opinion? Duck and hide, friends. Duck and hide. (6:06-6:09 or 6:20, if you’re feeling ambitious)
Procrastination. How could we possibly study for an extra four hours a day? Seriously, it’s Monday Funday/Wednesday Whisko/Thirsty Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday Spats Karaoke! And, obviously, we need time for requisite TV-watching and nail-painting. Make more time for procrastination as the semester progresses. (5:02-5:10)
Shout it from the
roof(Banner)tops! Guess all of that studying paid off: A A A A A! Or maybe it’s just grade inflation. Regardless, celebrate Brandi Chastain-style, or treat yourself to a rooftop adventure. (3:30-3:37)
You rock, don’t change. Or maybe you don’t and you should. Either way, the College Hill departure is overflowing with overdrawn hugs and separation anxiety. Cue nostalgia trip. (1:23-1:37)