State of the City: A wall of Meeting Street cookies

Rest in Peace, Aunt Sally… After redistricting legislation was introduced and ratified by the General Assembly at the beginning of February, Republicans are (just now?) outraged by the blatant political motives behind the changes that were, according to golocalprov.com, reportedly drafted by the help of a $700,000 consultant. Considering that the state has been singing the financial blues these past few months, I wonder how the GA was able to afford that? Bank heist? Money laundering? Prostitution ring? For the sake of optimism, let’s all just hope that Speaker Fox had a really rich aunt who just passed away…

Chafee hits the jackpot (and doesn’t even have to use taxpayer dollars to fly out to Vegas). The state may be adding around $20 million of tax revenue to its coffers after a Rhode Islander found himself (maybe “herself,” we’re not sure) the owner of a $336 million dollar PowerBall ticket. After taxes, some lucky individual will be $210 million richer. Our spending suggestions:

  1. Hire a personal consultant to divide the money up properly along party lines — I hear the General Assembly knows a good one…
  2. Loan it to the City of Providence at an interest rate of 45% — word on the street is that they’re pretty desperate for funds…
  3. Buy 40,000 Meeting Street cookies and use them to build a retaining wall, thereby separating the Jackpot winner from mere commoners…

This Sh*t Cray. In lighter news, Providence City Councilman Sam Zurier recently sent a letter to an East Side couple chastising them for not contributing to his campaign fund. This correspondence came after he supposedly helped them get their sidewalk fixed by the city — a sidewalk that needed repairing because a member of the couple’s household is quadriplegic and confined to a wheelchair. Somewhere in the distance, we can hear Kanye West declaring, “Sam Zurier hates handicapped people,” and for once, Kanye’s not too far off…

Leave a Reply

Connect with Facebook