State of the City: The prohibition of tanned teens

As a result of severe economic problems including possible corruption, the Institute for International Sport has had to leave Rhode Island. This move may set a dangerous precedent. Given Rhode Island’s own financial difficulties, we can only imagine it’s not long until Rhode Island will be forced to leave Rhode Island. The Institute, which was created to promote world peace through athletics, has also dropped its official spokesperson, Meta World Peace.

In shocking news, nobody has come forward to claim their winnings from the Powerball. The ticket, which was sold in Newport, garnered winnings of $336 million. If this foolish person does not claim his money, we think the money should be used responsibly to help promote and enhance Rhode Island businesses — or a select business… “Hi Neighbor!

Proposed legislation would impose an 18-year-old age minimum on patronizing tanning facilities without a doctor’s prescription. Not only do we think this is common sense, but we really we can’t wait to see all the reasons teenagers give to doctors explaining why they need prescriptions for medicinal marijuana a tanning bed. This is a devastating blow for the Rhode Island Junior Coalition of Pauly D enthusiasts who, as a result of this legislation, might have to change their motto From “Gym, Tan, Laundry” to “Gym, Bronzer, Laundry.” It’s just not as catchy.

Today Providence Mayor Angel Taveras will meet with President Simmons to negotiate an increase in Brown’s payments to the city in lieu of the taxes from which the University is exempt. Brown currently receives certain exemptions that other tax-exempt organizations do not as a result of the University’s original colonial charter from King George III. Seems a little weird — we the people disputed a similar charter that made Rhode Island a part of England. #damnredcoats

We at State of the City would of course be remiss not to wish our devoted fan base a happy belated Valentine’s Day — even if, in fine Providence fashion, we could not afford a gift.

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