Come at me, bro!

Frosh-cessities: The Ratty Challenge, Part 1

Come at me, bro!It’s time for the challenge.

No, not the cinnamon challenge, or the saltine cracker one, or even the SciLi challenge. Trust me: Those posts would end poorly for everyone (mainly for me, who would be moaning “oh god, the humanity” while rolling on the floor).

It’s time for the Ratty Challenge: spending all day in the lovely Sharpe Refractory with nothing but me, my homework, and lots of creeping people-watching to pass the time. What will I learn? Life lessons? Organic chemistry? The secret recipe for those black bean patties?

Probably none of the above. Oh well, at the very least I’ll steal a bunch of fruit.

7:30 – 8:30: Overslept

So … I’m off to a good start. Groggily hitting the alarm on my phone, rolling out of bed, —what is this, a class? Touché, Ratty. Touché.

All points considered, though, I think I’m doing pretty well for a weekend. I don’t see you waking up early on your Saturday morning for the sake of dicking around journalism.

Ratty: 1 Jason: 0
Homework completed: 0 percent

8:30 – 9:30: Breakfast alone

There’s nothing wrong with eating alone, but of all the meals, I think breakfast is the most socially acceptable meal to eat alone.  If you’re sitting by yourself with a bowl of Cocoa Puffs (I see you, guy in sweats and using chocolate milk as milk) and stare pensively off into the distance, people assume you’re planning about conquering the day and thinking big life questions like “Who am I?” and “Why isn’t the Blue Room blue?”

They totally don’t know you’re pondering what kind of cats you want when you grow up.

Completely unrelated though, that cute guy who always serves you a sandwich in the Blue Room walked in. Be chill Jason, ‘cause breakfast at 9:15 is totally an appropriate time to try and pick up guys.

Battery left: 80 percent
Homework completed: 0 percent
Time spent online: 32 minutes (15 minutes tumblr)

9:30 – 10:30: Stories from last night

So people are starting to fill up the Ratty now. I guess Saturday mornings begin at 9:45.

Friends are starting to file in and join me. Breakfasts of chocolate (wheat!) pancakes, and oh so much tater tots. And the best side for breakfast? Recollections from last night. Nice job D-Tau, my friend thoroughly enjoyed himself.

No matter how great or horrible or sloppy last night was, there’s always breakfast/brunch the next morning to make it all okay. When the sun is out again (or kinda gray and behind clouds, in today’s case), everyone can laugh it off with a good story of bad dancing and stolen couches. Sometimes we’re laughing with you, other times we’re laughing at you. Problems melt away like a patty of butter on flavorless French toast.

Until last night’s make-out shows up again. Don’t make eye contact …

Moments not remembered from last night: Not sure
Longest line: 12 Lax bros for tater tots
Cups of coffee so far: 3
Obsessive song of the hour

11:30 – 12:30: Notes from people watching

Saw a guy dancing to his own headphones wearing a Sublime sweater. You go man, do your thing!

Got ketchup on my CS22 homework. I don’t think “p and q” is logically equivalent to condiment.

Had a lengthy discussion about leggings and distractions in class.

Saw a hat that looked like a fox. Where can I get a hat that looks like a fox?

Number of girls wearing leggings as pants: 14
Battery left: 47 percent
CS22 problems finished: 2
Bananas remaining from initial pile: Roughly 20 percent

12:30 – 1:30: More Notes from people watching

Apparently campus tours go through the Ratty now. I wonder what they say.

“And here is the drink dispenser built in 2002. The orange guava is delicious and makes a fantastic mixer.”

The tray cart is like a reverse game of Jenga.

Just saw a hat shaped like a bear. Where can I also get a hat shaped like a bear?

Broken plates: 3
Number of Superman Pajamas: 1
What I’m listening to right now (Warning: Justin Beiber)

1:30 – 2:30: Interview with other Ratty challengers

So it turns out I’m not original in my ideas (no surprise there). Lucy Stephenson ’13 and Jessica Claflin ’13 were also dining by attrition.

Why the Ratty Challenge?

LS: So many reasons. It was not a nice day outside and we crafted it into this rite of passage in freshman year
JC: We have a list of things to do before we graduate.
LS: When you have a Saturday that’s nasty you have to jump on the opportunity.
JC: Also a good excuse to catch up

How do you feel?
LS: Great. I built it up as a huge competitive outlet, but I’m just chilling.
JC: I think it’s our rotation.
LS: You have to build up an artificial distance between where you eat and where you work.
JC: The north side is the eating and chatting area. The south side is where we buckle down and do work. Also we made deadlines: Lunch is around 12, and work is 2 or 3.

Observations so far?
LS: I don’t feel nearly as much of a lug and waste of space as we should. Complacency has set in: We’ll see how this develops.
JC: People sort of dribble in at 11.
LS: Nothing has ever been remarkable, but we’ve had ridiculous talks.

Fruit sneakily snuck in bags: 47
Number of coffee carafes refilled in the hour: 7
Cups of water almost spilled on my laptop: 1
Number of top hats: 3
CS22 problems finished: 2

2:30 – 3:30: A brief descent into madness

Time is starting to slow down. This does not bode well. It’s like I’m in a wibbly wobbly time bubble. Am I on the fourth or fifth cup of coffee? What if the cappuccino machine only made one drink but just labeled it differently? I realize I know nothing about Hindu gods. There is a lot of spilled cereal on the floor: Who invented cereal?

If there are hats that look like animals, are there animals that look like hats? I’ve done no homework. Prove eggplant and black beans are logical equivalences.

I AM YELLING IN MY HEAD. Where is all the fruit coming from? Gottadohomeworkgottadohomework. Where could I take a nap? Why isn’t the Blue Room blue? Why isn’t palindrome a palindrome? Why is portmanteau a portmanteau? They’re starting to clean the tables I should go. Words with Friends: Is there Words with Enemies? “Tote” for six points.

I’ve switched to the back cave to charge my computer. I can’t do this for another three hours. Nearly lost my coat thank you for bringing me my coat. Do I smell? No.

… Fourth or fifth cup of coffee?

Number of wallpaper in the purple: 12.4
Frequency of conspiracy theory: Bronx zoo
¿Que es eso? Eso es queso.
tl;dr? YES.
Sex gen reading: Not yet

Check back tomorrow for the second half of the Ratty Challenge. 

2 Comments

  1. DTAU_NOW

    We want our couch cushion back!

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