Fred Flintstone. David Beckham. John Travolta in Battlefield Earth. These three men, all with facial hair, have perpetuated the philosophy that beards are awesome. Some social researchers, however, believe this connection to awesomeness may be untrue. According to a recently published study of women in New Zealand and Samoa (ensuring some anthropological diversity), women consider men with facial hair to be almost universally less sexually attractive than men without. Yes, kid proudly sporting a soulpatch-mustache combo, this applies to you, too. Of the 200 women surveyed, the vast majority determined men without beards to be “significantly more attractive.” The influence of such conclusions is sure to be far reaching. For instance, this data will finally put to rest the age-old dilemma of whether Bradley Cooper was hotter in Wedding Crashers or The Hangover. Moreover, it explains how beardless actors Woody Allen and Adam Sandler have continued to find such beautiful companions film after film. For the college crowd, this study poses a targeted attack on the ritual of No Shave Movember and the even more common practice of being too lazy to shave. In conclusion, if you think you’re single because ‘nobody gets you,’ the simple solution might just be to get that hair off of your face.
Ratty Vs. V-Dub, 3/23
Ratty: Shaved Steak, Grilled Turkey Burgers, Edamame Chow Mein, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bars
V-Dub: Peanut Butter Sandwich Bar, Beef Pot Pie, Garlicky Green Beans, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bars
Advantage: Ratty. Peanut butter sandwiches are so every day. Shaved steak is a sometimes sandwich option.