(BlogDH) Hunger Games Graphic

The Housing Games: The Hunger Games at Brown

May the odds ever be in your favor!The Hunger Games movie is coming out this Friday, and to say we’re excited is a bit of an understatement. We’ve listened to the soundtrack, watched the trailers (five times), and even have begun to play the game “RISD outfit or Capitol citizen?”

To celebrate our age-inappropriate excitement for the wholesale, post-apocalyptic slaughter of adolescents, BlogDH reimagines the world of District 12 here on College Hill:

It’s sometime in the indefinite future. Brown’s endowment is gone, and to make money, the Corporation has started The Housing Games—a nationally televised event where Americans can feed their schadenfreude and watch freshman Ivy Leaguers fight to the death.

But freshmen eagerly look forward to the competitions: awaiting everyone in the winner’s dorm is priority housing, early registration, and 500 flex points.

So fame, mortal danger, and a whole lot of Blue Room sandwiches lie ahead.

May the odds ever be in your favor, and let the Housing Games begin!

Competitors

The Career Tributes:
Keeney
EmWool
MoChamp

The Cannon Fodder:
Andrews
Hope

The Underdogs:
Littlefield
Wayland
Perkins

Misc:
New Pembroke: Not actually competing. Sold in 2017 and everyone thinks it’s a nuclear wasteland.

Day 1

In the mad rush for supplies, Hope gets the Blue Room cache and escapes with the lion’s share of food. Keeney and Wayland making off with a bit of weapons. The rest are forced to starve.

Littlefield gets taken out by ravenous squirrels.

EmWool and MoChamp strike a tenuous alliance. Andrews tags along.

Keeney, the third career tribute, is left forsaken.

Perkins is nowhere to be seen.

Fatalities:
Littlefield.
Eaten by squirrels. Beware the trashcans.

Day 2

It’s announced there’s a depot of chicken fingers and in the mad rush, MoChamp gets trampled.

Keeney gets lost and wanders around for a while. Bumps into Wayland and the two of them work together to fight off a crowd of frat guys on Wriston. They play beer pong…with grenades. Wayland goes boom.

Hope lures Andrews into SciLi by promising a naked donut run and drops an avalanche of books.

Perkins is nowhere to be seen.

Fatalities:
MoChamp. CFF stampede. Didn’t even get honey mustard.
Andrews. Death by orgo
Wayland. You’re not as good at BP as you think.

Day 3

Hope and EmWool form an alliance and begin fortifying their camp. However, they didn’t realize they were in the bus tunnel, and Hope gets squished.

Distraught, EmWool wanders into the Rock, only to make a noise in the absolute quiet room. Killed by rabid premeds and econ concentrators.

Perkins is nowhere to be seen.

Fatalities:
EmWool.
 What part of absolute quiet do you not understand?
Hope. Never try to fight a bus. You will not win.

Day 4

It’s now down to Keeney and Perkins.

Keeney sees an exit sign and, out of habit, punches it. It was booby-trapped. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Perkins wins the 23rd Housing Games!

2 Comments

  1. Max Rosero

    Perkins for the win

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