A BlogDailyHerald cover letter

Either at Thanksgiving or sometime around mid-March, nearly every Brunonian faces the same question from his or her disgruntled parents: “What are we doing this summer?” ‘We,’ in these circumstances, is not a mere colloquialism, but rather a literal probe into what your parents (and their wallets) should expect from you in the summer months. In the best case scenario, you’ve secured a steady job or paid internship that marks the first babysteps toward financial independence. The converse, on the other hand, involves a mixture of professional couch sitting, regular over-drafting and occasional death threats from the very people who gave you life. By now, they’ve expected you to have applied to a plethora of prestigious jobs. Of course, parents just don’t understand how much effort it takes to drop one’s pre-med plans and leave the Green not read Kant for the next few weeks — that’s why BlogDH has decided to supply you with a nearly perfect cover letter template to ease the application process. Check out our surefire personal statement after the jump.

Greetings [potential employer], my name is [insert name] and I sincerely believe that [company/business] would be a perfect fit for me this summer. In my three semesters at world-renowned Brown University, I have accumulated a breadth of important skills and experiences while cultivating my intellect both inside and outside of the classroom. Victorian literature, for instance, has taught me indispensable lessons on the value of hard work in trying times, such as the recent financial downturn. Extracurricular involvement with several notable campus organizations as [inflated leadership position and duties] has allowed me to hone my skill of routinely following instructions without question. Many students see college as an opportunity to challenge authority and institutions, but I believe quiet conformity to be the University’s paramount lesson. Even though I have not worked a day in my life, I am quite certain that I understand the expectations for intern performance in the workplace.

Amiability is also one of my strong suits. Jobs, I am told, often rely more on a positive mental attitude than on any particular skill—I have PMA and some to spare. Over the course of three sets of finals, I have been able to keep a smile on my face, which will be an invaluable asset while working on [vague project related to field]. Before I conclude, I would like to emphasize one final point. Plenty of students apply to Ivy League institutions every year. Less than ten percent of these ambitious individuals, however, gain acceptance to one of the eight prestigious schools. Even so, I succeeded in getting here and I can assure you and everybody at [company/business] that if given the opportunity, I can do wonderful things. Any company, in my opinion, would be lucky to have me behind its Excel spreadsheets and coffee machine. So, I hope this letter finds you well as you sit in your comfortable office deciding college students’ fates for them.

Ever yours,

[Full name and Signature]

P.S. If you didn’t notice, the first letter of every sentence spells out “GIVE ME A JOB. PLEASE!”

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2 Comments

  1. astudent

    y didn it work?? ima kall my lawyer and hes gunna sew you

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