Brown loves making us wait for our spring break. While all of your friends at other schools have already hit the beach with college students nationwide, we’ve been
studying for midterms embracing the unusually warm March weather and pretending we’re already on break.
For those Brunonians who will be tanning on a beach next week instead of on the Main Green, you know you need to pack bathing suits, sunblock, sunglasses, and all those other generic vacation items. But, if you want to stand out on the beach and be the most ridiculous college student there, consider bringing along the following items…
1) A Boom Box Fanny Pack. There’s no doubt that you will make an impression on the beach with this fanny pack. It has built-in speakers that are compatible with iPods and iPhones, so you can blast your music in public and obnoxiously play “Call Me Maybe” on repeat. You know you want to.
2) You want to be able to enjoy drinks on the beach, right? You want them to be cold but don’t want to pay the overpriced charge at the tiki bar. A cooler is out of the question because packing a heavy, bulky vessel in your suitcase is ridiculous. Or is it? Outsmart everyone with this collapsible cooler on wheels. It’s easy to pack and you’ll definitely make a scene trying to roll that on the beach.
3) Repeatedly asking random strangers to take group photos of you and your friends is definitely one way to be that ridiculous asshole on the beach. But, take this one step further and invest in a waterproof disposable camera so that you can ask people to take pictures of you while you’re in the ocean too.
4) Pack a baby bottle to spice up your drinking. You’ll look absurd sipping out of a bottle meant for an infant, but you can just tell people you’re a trendsetter. Bars that serve drinks in baby bottles are popular in Paris and have even spread to Manhattan.
5) Outrageous, oversized beach hats are fun, but if you want to truly make an impression, consider investing in the “umbrella hat.” You can fold this multipurpose hat to fit in your pocket, and it even has an adjustable elastic headband to fit the size of your head. In case it rains, you can wear it instead of carrying an umbrella. And, if you don’t want to get sunburned, you don’t have to be confined to a shady spot; you can wear the umbrella hat and move about freely. I know what you’re wondering: Yes, the umbrella hat is a real thing you can buy; I didn’t make up this ridiculous invention.
With all of the novelty items out of the way, don’t forget to pack the serious essentials that often get left out: aloe vera for those bad sunburns, Pepto-Bismol for motion sickness on boats (or booze cruises), Ziploc bags for your liquids on the plane, and that book you’re supposed to read over Spring Break the Hunger Games… just in case you want to read it before you see the movie.