It’s that magical time of the year: when you realize your
time at Brown is winding to a close wide-eyed pre-frosh experience Brown for the first time. But we can’t throw the admits onto the middle of the Main Green and expect them to figure out what SPG, CFF, AQR (yikes), and Spicy With mean by themselves, can we? So here’s a list to guide you through guiding them (with appropriate meme visual aids):
Don’t: Sexile your hostee. Don’t have sex with your hostee. Just… no. Not cool. Also potentially illegal. Note: If they sexile you, take it like a champ. Crash next door, fist bump them in the morning, and then wash your sheets. Twice.
Do: Take pre-frosh to an arch-sing. (As a side note, there are twelve arch sings Monday night: arch sing challenge, anyone?)
Don’t: Hand pre-frosh a joint.
Do: Hand pre-frosh a joint.
Do (but not actually): Take pre-frosh to the roof of Metcalf. He/she’ll feel so cool and rebellious. Side note: That is also as close to the SciLi as you should take any person not actually enrolled in this school.
Do: Repeat this process with Childish Gambino, The Glitch Mob, and Cam’ron. Maybe even What Cheer? Brigade. Brag harder.
Do: Take him/her to the Ratty. But avoid baked scrod (pronunciation genuinely unknown).
Do: Go to the ice cream social. Not for benefit of pre-frosh — go for yourself. Crash and troll. Hosting people is hard work, and you deserve a reward.
Don’t: Take this opportunity to see if a kid can run through the RIPTA tunnel without getting caught. High school students are not suitable guinea pigs for your Brown myth-busting.
Do: Casually let slip how you turned down Yale and Harvard for Brown, NBD. Lie if you must.
Don’t: Give your pre-frosh ANY excuse to believe we are just a bunch of hamsters. Hide your ugly sweaters; break out your lax pinnies. Weather irrelevant.
Don’t: Stalk the 2016 admitted students page and find the embarrassing comments your pre-frosh wrote (well, do… but don’t let him/her know that).
Do: Facebook stalk your pre-frosh senseless.
Do: Show him/her BlogDailyHerald. What? We’re not above shameless self-promotion.
Don’t: Take a shower within half an hour of when you think your guest will arrive. He/she will arrive early. With at least 12 friends. You will be in your towel. It will be awkward.