Remembering Spring Weekend: Michael Jordan gone wild

Reality check: It’s reading period, and the carefree days of Spring Weekend are behind us. In times of distress such as these, let us conjure memories of the good times, sunshine and debauchery as we live vicariously through Michael Jordan and follow his journey through Spring Weekend.

Michael gets schwasted in Keenasty. “It’s just so hard to not be drunk all the time.”

By mid-afternoon, he was pretty messed up. “Even my burps need chasers…”

Michael defies authority and sticks it to the man. “If I ever have a child out of wedlock, I’m naming it #YOLO.”

A stay in Keeney would be nothing without the opportunity to knock down some exit signs.”This weekend, I’m on a diet of caffeine and alcohol.”

Michael was invited up on stage with Sepalcure at Friday’s concert. #whatabamf.

It was mad claustrophobic at the concert: “I got so fed up with the straight couple grinding next to me, I started grinding on the guy. I don’t think he noticed.” Getting a shout-out from Childish Gambino was awesome though. Go Space Jam!

Getting Fratty in the Ratty with Jose, Gail and Antonia. “If Gail isn’t swiping people in, I’m going to start bawling.”

Michael carbo-loading at Fratty in the Ratty. “I got the three main food groups: fries, bagels, and healthy stuff.”

Michael was the life of the party. “I’ve never felt closer to people I’ve never met.”

The next day, MJ chilled with some of his friends and talked about his weekend before heading out to Binder. “Every time there was a lull in the conversation, we just decided to do more drugs.”

Sadly, Michael Jordan hates all things serious (read: reading period), so he left campus the moment people started detoxing. We hope that his Spring Weekend debauchery provided a much-needed respite from all of your work. Happy studying!

Note: All quotes are from real conversations overheard during Spring Weekend. 

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