OMG, I’m obsessed with abroad

Really? Are you? As a junior, it’s disconcerting to feel like one-fourth of your friend group has disappeared from the Brunonian Bubble. Naturally, I have taken to Facebook to stalk my absent peers, hoping for some tidbits of information about their new lives. After poring through pictures, stalking their new abroad (replacement?!) friends, and of course reading the obligatory study abroad blogs, I have one thing to say to students studying abroad (if those studying in Paris will pardon my French…):

You are the most annoying group of multicultural motherfuckers I’ve ever met. 

Now, hear me out: I set out to learn a teensy bit of information about your life and instead, I got your diary. Your blogs are ridiculous. Your albums are full of pictures and stories that no one wants to see or read about. We’re in Providence. It’s sleeting, and the heating in Grad Center hasn’t come on yet. Do you actually think I want to see you rocking that bikini on a beach in Cuba?

You really need to be more considerate of your American classmates if you want to have friends when you come back.

Check out some of our study abroad blog pet peeves after the jump. They’re only slightly fictionalized versions of the posts we’ve come across.

Over-sharing is (not) caring:

Okay, we get it: you really like mountains.

This morning I woke up in my bed in Interlaken!!! 🙂 Wow. It is super beautiful here!!! Then I brushed my teeth. The water is different here—I think it’s soft, as opposed to the water in America, which is hard. Isn’t that so cool?!! Then I ate breakfast. Then I put on my new chic drindl. Then I walked to university with Klaus, my new blonde friend/potential fuck-buddy ; ). Klaus is beautiful (!!!!!). Like the mountains in Switzerland. Then I got a coffee. It was tasty. Then I went to class.  

This is the ultimate blog faux paus. Your blog is about as interesting and complex as my third grade diary (Ed.- …or your middle school away message). Didn’t FormSpring teach us anything? Don’t. Write. Personal. Details. On. The. Internet. This isn’t Kim Kardashian’s Twitter feed (if you don’t follow that shit, get on it, it’s hilarious). Nobody cares about Swiss water quality. Blogs should be reserved for funny stories, sharing cute photos of kittens, recipes, and, of course, bashing your fellow bloggers.

Renewed perspective in a “developing” country:

Future Angelina Jolie

Wow. Being in Kenya has really opened my eyes to the way that other people live. I feel such a connection to the people here, you know? I’m really connecting with my Kenyan brother, Gichinga. Actually I just call him John, because it’s a lot easier to spell/pronounce. John’s mother (my new mother too) treats me like her own son. I let John play with my iPhone yesterday, and he was fascinated by Angry Birds. Being part of a Kenyan family has really changed my life. I think I’m going to be a lot more socially conscious when I come back to the States, by like, using less technology and really communicating with nature in the simple manner that the Kenyan peoples do. Wow.

Can you get more condescending than this? You know that you’re going to get back to the States and become an investment banker like the rest of us. I’m all for broadening horizons and seeing how lucky we really are, but stuffing multicultural babies into your Facebook profile picture so that it resembles a UNICEF ad? Not the way to go.

Oktoberfest:

PROST!

Last night I went out and got drunk. Good thing it’s legal here! Check out these drunk pictures of me and my friends.

Guess what? I’m going to get just as drunk off Smirnoff, and then I’m going to go eat a spicy with at Jo’s. Suck on that!

Oh, who am I kidding. Oktoberfest is awesome. Quit rubbing it in.

Cliché Disney references: 

A blog header: “A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view… A whole new world, a dazzling place I never knew.”  Guys, being here in Puerto Rico has been amazing! It’s opening my eyes to… everything.  It really is a “whole new world.” Also I met this guy named Enrique. He kind of reminds me of Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid. I wish I could be part of his world.

Jasmine and Aladdin were overjoyed to study abroad this semester.

I didn’t realize Aladdin and Jasmine took time away from the royal palace to study abroad!! You guys have so much in common!

Gag me.

Bikinis:

Well aren’t you free-spirited.

These blogs pretty much just consist of the blogger in a bikini (or a Speedo) with awesome scenery in the background. I’ll give you props for baring it all online, but you know that picture is going to end up in some CIT nerds’ Brown Hottie 2013 calendar (if it’s any consolation, you’ll probably be Miss/Mr. July: the coveted spot in a creeper calendar). Save it for Brown Bares.

The blogs worth reading: 

I will never be as interesting as these people. They have funny stories, just the right amount of pictures, and they know when to shut up.

For those of you finding out if you’re leaving next semester, take heed: Don’t be obnoxious*.  Those posts make me depressed, even if there’s nowhere I’d rather be than Brown. And to my friends who are abroad: Come back. I miss you.

*I realize that I may be a bit obnoxious in this post. Do as I say, not as I blog!

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