Straight Talk, with Straight Boy Crush writer Nick Vitrano ’13
“White iPhone. Ballsy.” These were the first sassy words to come out of Nick Vitrano’s (’13) mouth as we sat down for our interview. Not “Hey how are you?” or “Sam, I love that orange graphic T that 100% did not come from Urban.” No, he commented on the apparent ballsiness of having a white iPhone (his, of course, was black). I, for one, did not know that my white cell phone made such a statement, but this was only the beginning what would be a truly edifying evening.
For those of you who don’t know Nick (but seriously, who doesn’t know him), he’s an openly gay member of the class of 2013, who “likes to say ‘fabulous’ in a voice, like, a half octave higher than most males.” Besides being “fabulous,” he’s also the creator/writer of the wildly popular tumblr: Straight Boy Crush of the Week. If the name isn’t clear enough, here’s the deal: each week Nick picks a straight boy, spends some time with him (read: time for sexy photography) and then posts a humorous write-up on the blog. And despite its focus on hunky men, the blog’s real star is Nick, and thus we took some time to get to know him in the Blue Room, a well-known spot for staking out straight boys to crush on. Read the interview and see the photos, after the jump.
First question: How do you pick guys?
There are no questions, there’s not an interview process. I pretty much say ‘You wanna be on it’ they say ‘yes, of course’ and then I photograph them. I’ve also already known all of them so far.
Are you considering venturing into other parts of the student body?
You mean hipsterdom?
I have some theater kids booked, and I’ve got my first black boy booked…in the FishCo bathroom. My life is actually one giant joke. I feel like I live in an MTV reality TV show.
Nick instagrammed all the photos and, “like a diva,” only looked at how good he looked in the pics.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
I don’t have the lisp. I don’t have the wrist. I have the finger and the nonexistent-weave-hair flip. It’s not just me, there are gays who have it.
No, the nonexistent hair flip.
So really the only criterion for your straight boy crushes is that they’re hot?
They’re hot and that they’re, like, real people. In some sense.
Can you elaborate?
Like they have some type of personality. I’m not gonna interview someone who’s just, like, vacant and hot. Some of them are a little bit douchebaggy whatever what are you gonna do they’re boys. Boys will be boys. They’re nice and funny and have some sort of essence.
[NAME REDACTED], for example, got a lot hotter once we got to know him. He was really nervous, but after meeting him he became hotter after some of the things he shared.
Were you surprised by any of them?
Richie played the guitar. He sang a freestyle song to me and I literally melted to the ground.
Joe also played guitar for me. Just like random little things. Bobby was a philosophy concentrator, even though I profiled him as COE. Concentrations and interests have all been surprising because I don’t know a lot of them that well. I knew [NAME REDACTED]. The other ones I was just like you’re hot, let me just be that faggot that tells you you’re hot every time I see you.
Sam teaches Nick that Tom Brady, in addition to being a male model, is also a quarterback.
Any plans to expand or continue the blog?
I’m gonna keep writing. I have an intern…
You have an intern!? Wow.
An intern of sorts. Walker Shockley ’14 is going to be gifted the blog when I graduate. So I’ve got him to proofread all my posts because I can’t just reread them—it’s too much for my thought process. There are just like things missing and really poor grammar. Hopefully he’ll learn from what I send him, and when he’s proofread I post it!
Future plans? Merchandising?
I’m gonna try and do Halloween photo shoots, Christmas card photo shoots. Spring Weekend apparel—tanks that will hopefully say Team So-and-So.
Like Team Vitrano?
No—like team Richie or Team Joe.
Nick implements a good composite to feature both shirt-on and shirt-off photographs.
Going to revisit any of the guys?
I might try to do a senior week roundup, but besides that I’m moving forward.
So do you think your blog has any significance for the Brown community, or is it just fun?
I think it’s just fun. People enjoy it because its another form of procrastination that involves sexuality. It is kind of cool that all these boys are willing to have a gay boy take half naked pictures of them, ask them questions and then share it with girls. None of these girls liked me in middle school, but now they all want to be my friend. See, I knew I’d get them back one day. [Brown] is probably the best place to start it, but the athletes and gays are mixin’ up!
Are you gonna start letting Walker write while you’re still here and alive?
He is quite the writer. Are you happy with the Facebook buzz?
I love it. I’m trying to get my unique views up to 10,000 based on this article, Sam.
So last question: what’s your favorite part about writing it?
Hanging out. Honestly, the first one was just one day but now I take pictures throughout the week, if it’s nice or sunny we’ll shoot outside. I go to the soccer house and water polo house and like, everyone knows me. I know Dean kinda because I touch his pec when I see him. But, yea…
Well thanks for your time. Let’s do fun things.
Then Nick and I did some fun things documented by Nick’s assistant and instagrammed by the man himself:
Nick showed Sam “where the chevre at” in the Blue Room sandwich bar. Sam wouldn’t admit that the chevre got him aroused.
Nick teaches Sam the art of F’real.
Classy interviewers buy their interviewees drank…on points.
And they enjoyed sucking them down.
Nick gives Sam the ‘bees and the bees’ talk. Sam gives an OK in comprehension and slight discomfort.