Sextion: Five Halloween costume hookup faux pas

With all the coverage on Hurricane Sandy (Cohen), I’m hoping none of you forgot that this Wednesday is perhaps the most important night of our Brown careers: Halloween Whisko ON HALLOWEEN. Y’all get it, I’m sure, Blog is obsessed with Halloween. But not to worry, so am I! I love the costumes, the candy, the spooky (but not too scary) movies! It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

But sometimes many of us, myself included, struggle to come up with a costume that is unique but also appealing. Halloweekend is another weekend, after all, and many of us use that time to blow off some steam and hook up with people. And while many of the ladies can take any costume idea and make it sexy (like, weirdly enough, Brian from Family Guy), both men and women struggle to make sure their costumes are “hook-up-able.” That is, not too awkward, uncomfortable, or challenging to hook up in. We want to be innovative, but we don’t want to take away our ability to get with that cute someone dancing in the corner dressed up as a giraffe.

Here are some tips if you’re looking to hook up with someone this Halloween but you don’t want your costume to stand in your way. Avoid these five common costume faux pas and you should be on your way to a sexy Halloween:

1. Intense face paint: This one comes from personal experience. If you’re anything like me, you’re not the most creative when it comes to costumes, and your cat ears have been a go-to since high school. The cat costume is simple and sexy, and there has to be at least one at every Halloween party. At the Harry Potter Party, you could have been Mrs. Norris OR Professor McGonagall’s animagus. It’s perfect! But if you’re feeling particularly kittenish that evening, perhaps avoid the eye-liner whiskers and nose. Because if you do end up making out with someone at any of these parties, chances are you will not be sporting those whiskers for much longer, and both you and your partner’s faces will be covered in make-up. And you will both walk into Jo’s at the end of the night looking like hot messes. Same can be said if you’re dressed up like this guy.

2. Spray-on hair dye: If you’re looking to take your party hook-up to the next level (i.e. back to the bedroom), you may want to avoid the spray-on hair dye. It definitely adds to your costume, and is a must if you want to be Team Rocket, Bride of Frankenstein, or my grandma, but makes it challenging to jump right into bed at the end of the night. Your pillow will get dirty, you see. And while showering with your partner is definitely fun and can be very sexy, I’d imagine you’d want your hookup to see you looking like the woman from the Herbal Essences commercial and less like Carrie. So you may just want to get a wig.

3. Costumes that obstruct your entire self: I am always supremely impressed when people come up with really innovative costumes, especially if they made it themselves. Marcel the Shell? Brilliant! The guys from Big Nazo? Unreal! Some costumes are truly works of art. But if I’m looking to hook up with you, I probably want to be able to get to you, which proves challenging when your entire body is covered or when your costume is so large that I can’t even touch you. A costume that is three times the size of your body is not the easiest to maneuver, so maybe this year, if you want to be a robot, avoid the cardboard boxes, and just stick to something that fits a little more closely.

4. Costumes that are hard to *eh hem* remove: Leotards, overalls, anything with a lot of little buttons, or a costume that you have to unravel often prove to be difficult to remove in the heat of the moment, so it may be best to avoid these clothing items when planning your perfect, hook-up-able Halloween costume. I feel like the rule should be: if you can’t go to the bathroom while in your costume, you probably won’t be able to easily manage the bedroom in it. So choose a costume that goes on easily and comes off even easier and you should be good to go.

5. Masks: Sorry, dude or dudette. I can’t see your face. How the hell am I supposed to know what you look like, let alone kiss you? Plus, you’re terrifying.

So goblins and ghouls, if you’re thinking of hooking up with someone this Halloween, proving that the rain lets up, try to avoid these costume faux pas and stick to outfits that are not very messy, obstructive, or challenging. And who knows? Maybe that giraffe in the corner will want to kiss you back. Have fun this Halloween, folks—stay safe, dry, and sexy.

xoxo,

MonMon

Leave a Reply