Let’s talk about (sex) tunes. These are the songs that get your groins a goin’, your nether regions tingling, songs that put you in the mood for lovin’. But rather than just giving you guys a list of songs to bump and grind to, I’ve broken up the list for you into a story of sorts. Take your average Brown student and through these songs you will follow him/her through 10 key moments in his/her sexual career with a brand new partner, from that special first kiss to their first time having sex and more!
This is the trajectory of an average Brown student’s sexual relationship…through song:
First Kiss: “Lips Like Sugar” by Flo Rida
For many of us, relationships start right there on the dance floor, and what song better represents the embarkation of a beautiful journey with another living being than “Lips Like Sugar”? This song epitomizes all the things we love and hate about the DMFO (Dance Floor Make Out).
DFMO: “Take Over Control” by Afrojack ft Eva Simons
Okay, so you’ve had your first kiss, and now things are starting to get heated right there on the dance floor. This is the time to bring out your best dance moves, and by that I mean the best way you can gyrate up against another human being without bruising or toppling over. Your groins are pressed together, you’re sweaty but you don’t really care, you might even be pressed up against a wall (or doing the pressing). So many songs can represent this exact moment in time. It was hard (tee hee) to choose just one, so I’m giving out some deserving honorable mentions: “Get Ur Freak On” by Missy Elliot, “Ignition” by R. Kelly, and “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake. All amazing. Just amazing.
To the Bedroom: “Fever” by Elvis Presley
So you’ve left the party. You’re starting to cool down after the sweaty dance floor, but heating up in a whole new way: back in the bedroom. Your movements are less frantic, more languid, and altogether sexier. This moment is less about random encounters on the dance floor but about true and intense sexual chemistry. Pull this song out of your pocket and the pants will be dropping. And the fun is about to begin. Honorable mention: “I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl” by Nina Simone
Blowjob: “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne ft. Static
This one doesn’t need much explanation. There were so so many songs to choose from to represent this pivotal moment in the Brown student’s life, but it just had to be Weezy, ya know? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s gross and derogatory, but I like to think it’s not as bad as that “blow my whistle baby” song, right? This moment could happen the very same night as the DFMO or after a few times hooking up with this new partner. The world is your oyster.
Eating Out: “Glory Box” by Portishead
THIS IS THE SEXIEST SONG IN ALL OF HISTORY. I MEAN IT. I don’t know what it is about Portishead, but they turn me into jelly. This song has me writhing in all the right ways and could have every female-identified individual feeling the same way. Guh. So if cunnilingus is in the cards for the average Brown student, this song is the perfect backdrop. Take a listen, seriously.
SEX (sexual intercourse): “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
After much deliberation, the average Brown student has mutually and consensually come to the decision to have sex. YAY! So what better song to get it on to than the 1973 classic Let’s Get It On? It is a groovy tune that is equal parts silly and sexy. It is perfect. If this pivotal moment isn’t just the first time with a new partner, but the first time at all, another song that must be mentioned is “White Houses” by Vanessa Carlton. Entirely different than our Marvin Gaye song here, but it has a place on our list because it’s actually about losing your virginity. Don’t believe me? Listen to the lyrics about two minutes into the song. Yeah.
Orgasm: “Climax” by Usher
Okay sometimes climaxing is not synonymous with having sex. Sometimes it takes some work to get to that level of comfort, intimacy, and arousal with a new partner, or even with an old partner. So this song is the perfect ode to the moment when you finally reach the climax with your sexual partner. It is a glorious thing. And while the lyrics of the song don’t exactly bode well for the couple at hand, Usher’s wailing is enough to bring anybody to orgasm. If you need a bit more stimulation, also check out Ciara’s “Ride” music video. She is an EXCEPTIONAL dancer and sexy as all hell. I didn’t know she did anything more than “Goodies” and “One, Two Step,” but SHE DID. And if I looked that damn good wet, braless, and riding a mechanical bull, you know I’d be doing it!
Love: “1+1” by Beyoncé
Our Brown couple has fallen in love! I love love. Just love it! Nothing honors this couple’s undying devotion to each other more than Beyoncé. “Baby we ain’t got nothing without love.” So true, Beyoncé. So true. This song is about making loooovveee. And then about the lover shooting and killing Beyoncé (I think…?). Regardless, it’s a great song. Other honorable mentions include “Crash into Me” by Dave Matthews Band (sorry to those who don’t like him!) and “A Case of You” by James Blake (Joni Mitchell cover), along with about a million others.
BDSM: “Angel” by Massive Attack
These are Brown students we’re talking about here, so they may be more inclined than most to engage in a little bit of experimentation. Role-playing and light BDSM are all in the possible cards for our star-crossed lovers. The perfect song to accompany the couple on this journey is “Angel” by Massive Attack. It’s dark, it’s dirty, it’s kinda creepy, but at the same time, it’s kinda ridiculously sexy. If you’re looking for a song with less overt roughness, try “Criminal” by Fiona Apple. “I’ve been a bad, bad girl”…
Breakup Sex: “Wicked Game” by James Vincent McMorrow (Chris Isaak cover)
Our young couple has decided to call it quits, but not before they’ve decided to have one last hurrah in the bedroom, accompanied by the beautiful James Vincent McMorrow. I’m a sucker for covers, and this is the best one EVER. This is one of those really somber last embrace type of songs, akin to Bon Iver’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Just totally heartbreaking. If you’re looking for a more angry breakup sex song, with all the glorious hair pulling and biting that makes angry hate sex so fun, there is absolutely NOTHING angrier or more hateful sounding (scary) than “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. If this is the song that their breakup sex is to, that was one tumultuous relationship…
Obviously there are a million other brilliant songs that could fit into any of these scenarios. If you have any favorite songs that really get you in the mood, leave a comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!
See you next week,
Monicaa ahh AHH!