Alright, so originally this column was supposed to hit every one of our sports teams, and not be the OMG GUYS BROWN SOCCER column, but OMG GUYS BROWN SOCCER!!! Unfortunately, due to
a late season-collapse bad luck and bullshit officiating, Brown has tumbled a bit down the rankings, and will have to play its NCAA opener on the road, TOMORROW AT 4 P.M. AT DREXEL. Obviously, I’m not saying you should drive to Philadelphia for the game, but just be aware it’s happening. If you are so inclined, there will be a Gametracker play-by-play feature as well as live streaming video of the game available. Here’s a quick preview from someone who knows literally nothing about soccer, especially Drexel soccer:
In the NSCAA coaches poll, Brown is ranked 15th, with 221 points. Drexel got four votes, which would be good for tied for 33rd, if the rankings went that far. They don’t. Drexel sucks. (In the RPI, aka the computer rankings, which any football or basketball fan knows are stupid, Drexel is 31st and Brown is 34th. Clearly the computers are smoking something strong.) According to NCAA.com, Drexel is scoring 1.67 goals per game, while Brown is only scoring 1.41 goals per game. Drexel is also playing schools like “Lafayette,” “Towson,” and “Georgia State,” who I could probably score 1.67 goals against. To its credit, Drexel does have a scary fire-breathing dragon mascot that could probably kick the shit out of Bruno, but as for who I’d rather hang out with (more important), Bruno wins in a landslide. Also, we’ve been to the NCAA tournament seven out of the last eight years, whereas this is Drexel’s first trip in 40 years. So there’s that.
Anyway, we will win. The end. Remember to tune in at 4 p.m. tomorrow, but Sixth Man will try to get an update up tomorrow night for those less hardcore fans out there. Go Bruno, for real.