How Not to be a Freshman: The one with familial craziness

As I sit here on the train, making my way back home, I am both fearful and excited. I come from a very big, very close Italian family that I love very much. I have a bunch of older cousins who go to various colleges but I’m the only one who hasn’t been home in the past three months. I’m the only one they haven’t seen, talked to, or interrogated. Part of me is dreading Turkey Day because I know that, as the only girl cousin in the family, I will be getting a lot of slack from my male counterparts. For me, Thanksgiving is going to be a crazy, fun-filled shitshow complete with familial bullying, drunk aunts, and the random girls that my cousins feel the need to bring home in their desperate attempts to prove their attractiveness.

This year, Thanksgiving is at my house. Now, the festivities usually begin at around 2 and then my entire family just loafs around until dinner when we re-convene at the table and eat leftovers. My uncle also makes extremely disgusting absolutely amazing wine so luckily, there’s that. We’ll gather around the table, which will have not only a turkey but also a giant ham on it because my brother is extremely allergic to all chicken and poultry. Go figure.

About halfway through dinner, various family members will begin to get a little tipsy. Here’s where the fun begins. My aunts and Grandma will begin to gossip about every family member. “When’s he going to propose?” “Jon’s girlfriend is a little on the…edgy side.” “Hunter, did you finally get a 3.0?”  Obviously, we love each other. My cousins will begin to harass me about all the boyfriends I don’t have, which is always unbearably awkward and a constant reminder of my failed romantic endeavors. And then, I will be forced to socialize with the poor random girlfriend of whichever cousin is in need of an ego boost while the men go smoke cigars outside in the backyard. I’m definitely stealing one this year.

Although we rip on each other to no end, my family is extremely loving and caring. So, although I’m willingly throwing myself into at least seven hours of awkward questions and brutal teasing, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  This Thanksgiving, whether you’re having a small get-together with close family and friends or a big, random food-fest like me, just take the time to remember the people closest to you. Let’s just hope I’m hammered enough for when my grandma asks me why I don’t have multiple boyfriends yet.  She’s way ahead of her time.

With love,

Luna Lovebad

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