There is nothing like sitting in your favorite booth at the Diner talking about sex. And this Thanksgiving break, I talked a lot of sex. The conversation was not censored in any way. My friends and I spoke as loudly and openly as we wanted, without reservation or concern that families sitting just a short distance away. It was as nonchalant as discussing the weather, except this conversation happened to be a deeply revealing and detailed account of my friend Jack’s first ever threesome, less than three months into his freshman year of college.
What can I say? Jack moves fast. And as Jack’s story was winding down and he was regaling me with the tale of walking his debauched and drunk self across campus and to bed on legs that could not stop shaking, I began thinking about the rest of my friends from home and their seemingly wild sex lives. My friend Hope is perhaps the most perfect example. After I picked her up from the airport on Saturday morning, her neck covered in hickeys (she should’ve checked out my techniques from last week for help with those!), she showed me the massage candle she and her girlfriend just bought and planned to use next time they’re together. These candles melt at lower temperatures than normal candles, so when you pour the wax on the skin, it doesn’t burn you, but creates a warming sensation and makes you feel kind of dangerous.
She and her girlfriend are very much into experimentation: not too long ago she sent me a picture of these pearl handcuffs that she had bought and also enlisted my help in finding a good chocolate body paint (I recommended the Kama Sutra brand Lover’s Body Paint. They come in milk chocolate, dark chocolate raspberry, and rich caramel). But I used the reviews online rather than my own personal experience to help her out with her decision because I had never used the paints myself. Most of my own recent sexual experiences have been vanilla in comparison to Hope’s and Jack’s. I, unlike Hope, have never had sex in the slaves’ quarters at a Colonial Williamsburg-type living history museum. I don’t think I know anyone else who has. I don’t think I know anyone at Brown who has even come close.
And though Brown is often viewed to be one of the most sexually adventurous schools, with neon “Consensual Sex is Hot” shirts floating around and events like SexPowerGod, are we really as sexually adventurous as we seem? I mean, we even had to sign a waiver before SPG saying we wouldn’t have sex. Has Brown been losing its sexual edge? Or are we just not discussing our wild sides in the same way we discuss other aspects of sex on this campus… or are we afraid to ask for what we want? I know I’m more likely to ensure that a random hookup is completely consensual than tell my partner to pull my hair a little bit harder than is normally accepted. Are we doing it and just not talking about it or are we not comfortable revealing our inner kinks to our partners? These types of conversations take trust, trust that we won’t be laughed at for the things that turn us on. Maybe it takes a long-term, stable relationship to feel that level of comfort. It is much easier to tell your partner of six months that you want to be tied up than a rando at a party. But I’m hoping someone somewhere is getting up to something exciting, in a relationship or not.
So, Brown students, prove me wrong. Write to me at email@example.com with your wildest sexual experiences at Brown. Let me know if you can top Hope’s encounter in Colonial Williamsburg, Kelly having sex on a firetruck, or Peter doing it in Hillel and calling it a mitzvah. I want to know that Brown lives up to its sexually adventurous reputation! And don’t forget, your sexual pleasure is important, so open yourself up to the possibility of trying something new out. It doesn’t have to be a threesome or hot wax on your chest, but give yourself an opportunity to experiment. Explore what you like and what you don’t like. Head on down to Mister Sister on Wickenden if you’re feeling brave. But most important is to let your partner know what you like. Trust.
Hope you all had a restful break. Let me know if you got up to anything wild!