If you ever enter in a room and see eight dudes attempting to remove their shirts, they’re not preparing for an orgy. Rather they’ve just been asked, “Have you ever noticed that men and women take off their shirts differently?”
I take pleasure in noticing the little things in life, because it’s the little things that usually provide the biggest awe. The discrepancy between men’s and women’s shirt removal provides me with this awe. But it’s not just that men and women have different ways of taking their shirts off, it’s that men look more like idiots when they do it.
When a man takes his T-shirt off, he grabs the collar with both hands as if he’s about to choke himself. Then he pulls it over his head and has the appearance of a half-Grim Reaper/ half-Quasimodo creature. Inevitably, the T-shirt gets stuck and T-rex arms begin to form. The scoreboard reads: Clothing 1, Man 0. Once the man regains his composure, he’s able to pull the bastard over his shoulders and toss it on the floor with the rest of his clothes.
When men take off their shirts, they look like children learning to undress themselves for the first time. Not only do women look like pros compared to men, their act of taking off a T-shirt is an Oscar worthy performance.
In contrast to men, women start their hands and the bottom of the shirt. Not only that, but they cross their hands in a way that borderlines an attempt at doing the Charleston. The woman proceeds to pull the shirt up, over her head in one majestic stroke. Honestly, it is so aesthetically pleasing that I expect doves to fly out from underneath. Men should be ashamed of themselves. Note that the only downside to the women’s method is that the shirt ends up inside-out.
Usually when I mention this shirt removal phenomenon to friends, it becomes like the “it’s impossible to lick their elbow” shtick. People start removing their shirts (if in public, they do so in their mind, just like you’re doing). Mainly it’s men who try the women’s method, but fail miserably. Sure they begin to laugh it off, but deep down they’re distraught. I’ve learned that the key to the women’s cross-armed technique is all in the elbows. Men always have their elbows outside of the shirt, when in fact they need to be tucked into the shirt for success. Hey, it’s something to try when you’re going insane during finals period—when the going gets rough, take your top off.