Epilogue: Finals… in one minute

Last semester, while on leave, I posted the above video of myself studying for finals in an attempt to commiserate with my fellow Brown students. Since then, I started taking Adderall for my ADHD, and have become a focused, responsible, studier. LOL JK JK I’M EVEN WORSE.

Finals at Brown? Well, let’s just say they can suck my proverbial dick. If I were asked to do Finals at Brown: The Sequel (which I haven’t, but it’s probably only a matter of time), it would be slightly different:

1. There would be more rage. Honestly, I don’t understand why more students don’t freak out in the middle of the library. This finals season has included dining hall brawls and numerous angry glares at the people being loud and screechy in the 00 decibel area of the SciLi. This semester, I’m not crying; I’m getting even.

2. I would go to the SciLi. Seriously, who goes to the Rock anymore?! The SciLi is where it’s at. It’s large. It’s prominent. It’s phallic. It’s the place to be.

3. No more “Call me Maybe.” That song is so over. Now, in an attempt to be tough, my finals song is Tupac’s “Last Muthafucka Breathin’“and the Mission Impossible theme song. I play these on repeat while glaring at aforementioned screechy biddies in the SciLi.

4. Something about the SciLi bathrooms. Seriously? One stall? One stall for women?! Somebody changed both of the signs to Women in the SciLi basement, and to whoever that is, I sincerely applaud you, as well as whoever sent in this Brown University Compliment:


Our bladders scream in protest.

5. The donuts in the NDR would be a lot smaller. They are not whole donuts. They are donut holes. If I’m studying orgo, I want a whole effing donut.

Other than that, there’s not a whole lot I would change. Maybe I’d look a little more homeless this time; I’m still a totally neurotic studier. Good luck on finals everybody! Let’s hope that my studying doesn’t get in the way of my grades.

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