Tinder. You’re probably familiar with it. Hopefully part of this familiarity stems from having read our post on the subject a few days ago. It made us men (or, to be more accurate, boys) look pretty silly. Don’t worry, though, because here’s a dirty little secret–there are some pretty silly young women on Tinder as well. Some of you may not know this even if you’ve been using Tinder, because you are saying ‘yes’ only to hot girls who never say ‘yes’ back to you. I had this issue. I resolved it quickly by saying yes to everyone, which got me over 55 (mostly) heterosexual women as matches. Here are some of the choicest encounters. Happy Valentine’s Day, Tinder lovers!
Tinder Match #1:
The biggest problem with Match #1–the first girl I talked to on Tinder, and one of the more attractive–was that she looked like a middle-schooler. Also, the part of the conversation that’s cut off is her telling me she just got out of the shower, which seemed suggestive but apparently wasn’t. She remains the only girl to block me.
Tinder Match #2:
I liked this girl. Unlike some of the future matches, she e-laughed at my jokes instead of accusing me of being a bad person for not taking Tinder’s love-finding abilities seriously (keep reading for more on that).
Tinder Match #3:
This girl was wearing a shirt that read “FCK LBJ” stylized like “RUN-DMC.” I thought that was a little bit of an outdated sentiment, plus I love LBJ, so I had to ask. I really don’t know what went on here.
Tinder Match #4:
If you open with a line like this one, you deserve any and everything you get.
Tinder Match #5:
This girl was definitely the most forthcoming of my matches and cut straight to the chase.
Tinder Match #6:
It’s probably disrespecting your intelligence to explain this, but this girl’s picture was her and a little kid.
(Also, I’m in all my pictures.)
Tinder Match #7:
The context here is a little more necessary–this girl was using a bunch of pictures watermarked “Cathleen Broderick photography.” Also, you might be surprised to hear that I cut these screenshots myself. Very professional work.
Tinder Match #8:
Now things get more serious. Damn, this girl was not feeling it.
I told her that sounded like a pretty fair assessment.
Tinder Match #9:
Best for last. If you thought #8 was a hard-ass, wait ’til you get a load of this girl.
That’s all I got. What’s the moral of the story? That you should get Tinder, obviously. And say yes to me. You know I’ve said yes to you–guaranteed. [Winky face.]