Happy Valentine’s Day: How to date your TA

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The only remark I’ve heard among my friends more than “I have like noo points left” is “I am in love with my TA.”

First, the reasoning behind this how-to post not only comes from my friends’ whining, excessive Facebook stalking, and primping before section, but also a(n) pathetic inspirational post from a certain New Haven school’s blog. The writer of the column confessed that he professed his love for his TA with the timeless “Hi, I love you, sushi tastes good with me” pick-up line.

Side note: You want to know the real difference between us and Yalies? We have social skills and they don’t. (If you don’t get that reference, please cancel your next Wednesday night debauchery-filled plans and watch the late current train wreck Lindsay Lohan’s masterpiece.)

While we don’t suggest you use the aforementioned Yalie’s pick-up line, here are a few tips on how to woo your TA into bed this Valentine’s Day:

1. Do the reading – your TA clearly takes pleasure in the topic, so the least you can do is feign interest. Plus, reading glasses are irresistibly cute.

2. Bring an array of the Blue Room’s breakfast treats to your morning section. Using precious points on others is the best way to show you care in Brown World. The selfless gesture also screams “I’m going to be the best life lab partner you’ve ever had.” If only Channing Tatum were in Chem0350…

3. Hate participating? Play the coy, shy, damsel/dame in distress card. An age-old classic; it works every time.

4. Invite your TA to your awesome Keeney house party to drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each other’s awesomeness.

If none of the above succeeds (i.e. you’re not eating Sakura’s “sushi” and sipping Darwin’s best-selling Pinot Grigio together by week three), I have this theory that if you cut off all your TA’s hair she/he/phe’d look like a British man.

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