Oh Brown, you beautiful kaleidoscope of weirdness, you. From the people to the classes to the streets (but seriously go home city planners, you’re drunk) we are a clusterfu*k of peculiarities, and a damn beautiful one for that matter. Sometimes, however, we dismiss the little things that make Brown memorable. You know, the rather unassuming instances that really spice up college life. Please note that the following might not be the most pleasant of things that can happen to you here, but you’d be lying if you said they don’t make for good stories to later tell your grandchildren. Alright, alright, or your cats.
The Thayer Predicament
So you’re walking down Thayer, ready for a day of [window] shopping and overpriced burritos, when you catch your reflection on a restaurant window. Your hair is a bit messy. Better fix that pronto. You keep walking and hey you catch your reflection again! Hair is totes fab, but your shirt is tucked in all wrong. Yup, gotta fix that, too. You begin to feel your self-consciousness heighten, and these mirror-like windows have unleashed the narcissistic monster from within. What’s going on? You now can’t seem to stop looking at your reflection in every passing store window! It’s utter madness. Wait, did that Jersey Shore guy inside of Antonio’s think you were checking him out and smirk at you? Ok, maybe it’s time to stop.
Hold up, is that Billy from Physics doing a keg stand?
You’re at a party, and a drunken dudebro just compared your eyes to footballs. Just when you thought things couldn’t get more disturbing, you notice a familiar face about to do a keg stand in the back. Ha, drunk people and their silly antics OH MY GOD IS THAT BILLY FROM PHYSICS!? Shoot, look at him go! All attention has shifted to Billy and the whole room is cheering him on. He gets down, wipes his mouth, and bows triumphantly. A busty girl approaches him and they passionately make out to the music of Usher. It takes you a while to process what just happened. Actually, what just happened? You realize in your confusion that some people really can do it all. Also, section tomorrow should be interesting…
(NOTE: I don’t really know of any Billy from physics. Billy simply represents that shy kid in your science/math/humanities class that may rarely see daylight. If you think about it, we all have a bit of Billy inside of us. )
The Doors of Brown
No, I’m not talking about some symbolic meta-alt-concept. No, I’m not talking about that golden door that magically appeared on the ceiling after you drank some jungle juice from that sketchy grad student. I mean the actual physical doors of certain Brown buildings. We’ve already talked about this, but it’s worth addressing again. Let’s begin with the SciLi. Which door do you exit through again? The revolving one? The normal one next to it? One time, I tried to exit through the normal door facing Thayer and it remained wide open after I went through. Cold air was rushing in and I knew everyone inside was judging me so hard. Another time, I tried exiting through the revolving doors while someone was simultaneously trying to get in. I got smacked in the face. The SciLi man… it messes with your head. Even scarier are the doors at the Ratty. Those things come at you like torpedoes, and not everyone is kind enough to hold them open while you’re trying to balance textbooks and a take-out box.
Granted, this is only a very small sample of the many little things that make Brown so special. The moment you saw your first naked donut runner, for instance, is certainly another noteworthy one! Let’s refrain from expanding on this memory though—no one wants the title of this post to turn into a bad pun…