Feud formalities: Finding the right place for a lovers’ quarrel

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Imagine working diligently on a City Politics paper in the Leung Gallery on a Wednesday afternoon. You’ve finally got your flow going, when all of the sudden your attention is drawn to the angry couple whispering at a table behind you.

“Why are you always so crazy? Just because I went to Whiskey with my team without you last night doesn’t mean I’m cheating on you.”
“You didn’t even make an effort to invite me!”
“It was a team thing. Cut me some slack.”
“Are you calling me overbearing?!”

At this point, the couple isn’t even trying to whisper. Hands are flying and emotions are spiraling out of control. Even the people who are wearing headphones on are staring.  Don’t let this be you!  It’s totally normal for couples to fight, but there is a time and a place for it.  If you’re struggling with the boundaries of appropriateness, or even looking for some inspiration as to where you might most effectively work out your disputes, read on:

Places to avoid heated disputes:

  • Designated quiet areas
    • Leung Gallery
    • AQR (are you trying to get punched in the face?)
    • SciLi (lobby is acceptable; Friedman study center and stacks are not)
    • An abandoned Blue Room (try not to subject the staff to your personal problems)
    • The Quiet Green
  • Froyo World / Starbucks / ABP / Thayer Street eateries (refer to the Blue Room for proper staff respect)
  • Frat basement, sans-party (it can be hard to think with all those beer fumes)
  • An a capella concert
  • The rooms in the Rock or SciLi that some people think are soundproof but are totally not soundproof
  • The CIT (just kidding: “CS and relationships are mutually exclusive,” says our CS source)
  • Blocking the sauce table at Chicken Finger Friday
  • Brunch (for other inappropriate brunchtime activities, please refer to this)
  • JWW elevator
  • Spats (don’t let the name fool you)
  • Via Facebook and text message

Acceptable places for heated disputes:

  • Your own living space
  • Outdoor areas (where people can actively escape your lovers’ quarrel)
    • The Main Green (bonus points for keeping the spat in a less-obvious location, like under a tree)
    • Thayer Street (Prov locals seem to have designated the area around Viva as prime arguing real estate)
    • India Point Park
  • In a counseling session (we’re sorry things have escalated to this point… sad face)
  • Keeney tunnels
  • In the Ratty, but only when it’s super crowded and the sounds of 300 hungry students can drown out your feud
  • On a boat (with a goat, with a fox, in a box, etc. etc., green eggs and ham)

Though we wish everyone could simply live happily ever after, we also know that every healthy relationship involves some kind of quarreling. Remember: it happens with all couples! In fact, some say that the satisfaction of a resolved fight provides some great sex salutary emotional benefits. Just do us all a favor and pick your location wisely — who knows, maybe the proper feng-shui will work in your favor.

Image via.

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