We’re vertically challenged. We may or may not be able to reach books on the top shelf of the stacks in the library, we may have to strain our necks to talk to you, and we definitely field too many questions about whether or not we’re sure that we’re not actually legally midgets. But we put on our wedges and hold our heads high—at 4’11’’ (Meredith) and 5’1’’(Georgia), what we lack in size we make up for in heart… and in our undying love of our perpetual fun-sizedness.
As the token shorties, we have very specific roles to play within our respective social circles. We willingly take on some of these roles ourselves, while others are bestowed upon us by our friends. Here’s how we shawties live it up in a world full of (relative) giants:
We’re your best arm rests. After hours of holding his/her drink in while conversing with other party goers, our friends’ arms inevitably get tired. We’re right at your elbow level, and we’re totally convenient. Rest your arm on our heads, our shoulders, whatever is more comfortable. Your temporary arm pain is relieved; we get some quality snuggle time (OK, that’s generous) and rack up lots of friend points in the process. It’s really a win-win situation.
We sit on your shoulders at Spring Weekend. This is one we know you hate, but you’re usually too inebriated to object to it. Pushing our way to the front at the performance is a risky endeavor—drunk kids won’t let us pass through Red-Rover-like resistance. Roll with it.
We have the best nicknames…ever. Tall people often find nicknames that their friends give them to be offensive, even though they’re all in good fun: string bean, Big Bird, etc. Our nicknames, however, are the best, and we love them. Nugget, peanut, munchkin—all of these imply that we are snuggle-able and easily smother-able in hugs. What could be more endearing than that?
Twin-XL beds cramping your style? Not ours. Upon arriving at college, many students complain that they are forced to sleep in a twin-sized bed. No longer are they able to luxuriously sleep spread-eagled every night, with room left for their three dogs to join them in their respective slumbers. Instead, their feet and arms might hang off the edges of the bed, getting cold in the middle of the night…and don’t even get them started on the horrors of sharing this space with a companion! Well, we wouldn’t have even noticed our reduced bed space had the rest of our peers not been endlessly lamenting. We’ve still got plenty of room to sprawl out and stretch our limbs, and we can easily fit another person next to us. Honestly, the “XL” is a little unnecessary.
We still fit the physical criteria for child-priced tickets at the movies. Sure, we may be nine years over the “12 and under” designation, but most movie-ticket clerks do not take the time to check our IDs. Instead, they see a small figure (or the top of a small figure’s head) struggling to see over the register, and immediately assume that we qualify for a child’s discount. You know what this means? We have three extra dollars to spend on Sour Patch Kids. Suck on that.
Note: One downside to this otherwise-fantastic perk—liquor store clerks are often incredulous that we’re of age. Yep, we’ll be carded until we’re 35.
All in all, being short is pretty awesome. Never will we struggle to find a cuddle-buddy or a significant other who is taller than we are, nor will we be faced with the Tall Girls of Whisko conundrum: “Heels or no heels?”
Whoever decided that large size corresponds to large power obviously hasn’t met us. We work hard to prove that great things come in small packages. We hope you agree.