Lessons in the ‘Girls’ Lexicon: “Forbid”

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Forbid (v.): To command someone or oneself against the doing of something—like acting on a stupid impulse, crying into one’s beer, or drunkenly contacting an ex boyfriend/girlfriend.

How it’s used in the show: Charlie, Marnie’s incredibly good-looking ex-boyfriend, became instantly successful off a smartphone app he created and sold called “Forbid.” In his own words: “[Forbid] prevents you from calling people that you shouldn’t call – be it an unrequited love, or someone that fired you. But if you wanna call them, then you have to pay $10 to unforbid… so this app is free but breaking your word to yourself isn’t… People are really responding to software that protects them from themselves… or other people.”

Do you have an ex? A not-so-secret crush or obsession? A penchant for drunk texting and/or dialing your employer? Then, like us, you probably wish “Forbid” existed in the real world. There’s nothing worse than waking up after a big night out with your ex’s name in “recent calls.” Worse (or better?), “drunk you” protects “sober you” from embarrassment and regret by deleting all texts and calls before sobriety hits. You have no solid evidence to beat yourself up about the next day, but you’ll also spend a good chunk of time wondering what the hell you said. We’ve all tried the “delete his/her number” technique, but let’s be real, that lasts for three days tops. Willpower alone just ain’t gonna cut it once the alcohol hits your bloodstream.

While we sadly don’t have access to “Forbid,” we’ve done some research to find some cool apps that actually exist in its place:

Textalyzer: The Textalyzer app (allegedly) bars you from texting your ex whilst inebriated. Upon opening the app, you’ll be prompted to add specific library contacts into the “Forbidden List.” You’ll also be asked to include three reasons as to why the person/people you’ve chose are to be avoided when the alcohol kicks in. To get “textalyzed” (breathalyzed before you text), you enter the app, choose one of the aforementioned contacts, and compose a text – for example: “I need u, wher r u? plz com find meeee.” Once you’ve clicked “textalyze,” the challenge begins; the user must successfully complete 4 games before they are allowed to send the text. If you fail (we assume you’ll probably give up first – who has time for 4 games when you’re partying?), the app will bar you from sending the text to your ex, boss, etc. Only issue with Textalyzer (and it’s a biggie): Even if you add a contact to your “Forbidden List,” the app can’t stop you from simply clicking the SMS icon (“Messages” for those with an iPhone) and sending the text straight from there. You actually have to access the app first and attempt to text from there, which, if you’re drunk, you probably won’t remember or bother to do.

Don’t Dial!: This one seems significantly easier to use and more efficient than Textalyzer. To begin, you open the app and select “I’m Going Out!” (you party animal, you), and then choose one of two lock options: “Time Lock Safe” or “Password Protected.” The first option stops you from calling the contact(s) you add to the app for a designated amount of time, and the second option requires a friend to create a secret password which expires after 24 hours. Then, simply press “Lock” and you’re good to go for the night. If you go into your contacts and attempt to communicate the locked individual, their information will show up like this:

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Ex-Blocker:
So you’ve been able to prevent yourself from contacting your ex on your cell phone. But, unfortunately, despite your attempts to limit your contact with him/her, you probably will still fall victim to the urge to Internet stalk your ex to the point that you’ll be obsessively checking his or her LinkedIn, because you’ve already blocked him or her on Facebook (…which may be an aggressive move in itself). Enter Ex-Blocker, a web app that allows you to literally erase your former beau from the Internet. Simply choose your browser, type in your ex’s first name, last name (in case you’re planning on frequently Googling your ex’s name), Twitter handle, Facebook URL, and Blog URL, in case they’re into that sort of thing. You can add up to five exes to your internet blacklist. Voila. Gone.
We learn that Marnie was Charlie’s inspiration for creating the app; that said, if you’re looking for a way to suppress the urge to make stupid mistakes—whether it be drunk texting, Google stalking, etc.—it may be worth giving one (or more) of these apps a try. Who knows—maybe one of these apps will inspire your inner entrepreneur, and you too will experience success in the form of a really cool office space in Chelsea.
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