Frosh-cessities: Where am I supposed to live next year?

Housing Meme

So, you got stuck with a shitty housing lottery number? When you inform your friends of your fate, they probably start using scary words like “Summer Assignment” and “Perkins.” Some people have even told you that they’re thinking of sharing a lounge with random people. While that’s all good and terrifying, we’re here to offer some more creative possibilities for housing accommodations next year if your worst case scenario ends up becoming your reality.

The microscopic gap between City Sports and Kinkos right off Thayer:

Hey, Providence fire department says it’s small, but we think it’s cozy! And you can’t beat the location – you’re basically on Thayer. Does Bajas accept FlexPoints?

Leung Family Gallery: The sub-free, quiet dorm option for summer assignment!

Tedeschi (RIP): It’s empty and no one’s making good use of it at the moment. Some of your classmates might get offended considering it is essentially hallowed ground, but it might be worth it to be in such close proximity to Chipotle.

Alternative: Just live in a Chipotle Burrito. There’s more space inside one of those than in the majority of the singles we’ve seen.

A dressing room at Urban Outfitters: This may make some hipsters cringe (why couldn’t they have given you a dressing room at a thrift store?!) but store policy says you can only have one person in there at a time, so we’re going to go ahead and call that a single. Lucky you, you won’t have to worry about sexiling anyone (except your dignity). Maybe they’ll even give you a discount on their apartment accessories.

Sun Lab: (This is a too little real for CS concentrators.)

Nelson Fitness Center: Pro: The facilities are brand new. Con: You no longer will have an excuse not to go to the gym.

Kasper Multipurpose Room: They call it the multipurpose room for a reason. At least you’ll be first in line for the 2013 version of Julie Bowen tickets.

A tent on Main Green: It might sound bad, but your dedication to nature will put the Environmental House to shame. You will never be late to class, and when it gets to be spring, you’ll never get left out of a powwow on the green. Negotiate with BCA to get discounted Spring Weekend 2014 tickets because it’s own your home turf…literally.

The gluten-free room in the Ratty: It has a key so you can lock up. Some of the other doors on campus don’t even close.

The kitchen at Nice Slice: If you absolutely refuse to acknowledge the superiority of NY style pizza, I guess you could live in Antonio’s (good luck trying to get shut-eye – that place stays popping later than Wriston Quad).  Either way it beats the pizza at the Ratty, and you’ll never have to harass Facilities to turn your heat on because pizza ovens will keep you warm all winter (and summer) long.

The dumpster in front of the V-Dub: It doesn’t smell any worse than the basement of Keeney does. Added perk: You get everyone’s leftovers from Chicken Finger Friday! After all, you’re the one who said that you needed to be close to a campus eatery. Maybe you’ll catch a break and someone will throw in a half-full handle of Svedka from Spiritus? Can you spell House Warming Party?

Alternative: Have your over-21 ID ready and live in Spiritus.

Best of luck, and here’s to another year of Perkins NP4 Keeney anybody? Brown!

Disclaimer: We are 99% sure that you will not end up living in any of these places. You shouldn’t laugh, though–some of them may actually be more accommodating than whatever you end up getting stuck with.

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