With all the liquid consumption happening during Spring Weekend, it’s inevitable that you’ll find yourself in line for the Porta Potty several times throughout the day. You could stand there quietly and ponder that impending Soc Psych midterm. But chances are you’ll be trying to dance with anyone who lets you get close enough like the fun-loving concert-going biddy you are, or attempting to strike up a slurred conversation with anyone who will listen. Or both. Probably both.
There’s no better opportunity to make friends than while waiting in line for the “Gordon Gee Lavatory Complex” (the nickname for the cluster of Porta Potties that is named after Ruth’s predecessor, who only served as president for two years before he was offered more money by Vanderbilt). With everyone forgetting how to unbutton their pants or puking their brains out (guys, your dorm bathrooms aren’t that far…practice common courtesy), you could easily be waiting for 15 minutes for the next stall to open up. If you’re anything like my group of friends, you’ve all lost each other after an hour of trying to navigate the crowds surrounding the Duck & Bunny cupcake table/front stage/bouncy house. You end up alone by the Porta Potties, trying desperately not to think of flowing beer kegs and waterfalls.
Take your mind off your bladder and use this time to get to know your fellow Brown students! Below is a list of some kick-ass, foolproof conversation starters. Foolproof, you may ask? Well, if they weren’t, then how did I end up with all those new phone numbers after the 45+ minutes I spent near the bathroom last spring? No, really… where did these numbers come from? Anyone? Regardless, these conversation starters will have you getting the (potty) started.
- “What’s your spirit animal?”
- “Wanna see me dislocate my shoulder? It’s double-jointed.”
- “I HAVE THOSE SHOES!” (Best directed at a member of the opposite sex.)
- “Did you know that pilgrims didn’t eat with forks? They only had spoons and knives and their fingers.”
- “One time Ruth Simmons winked at me. No, I’m serious.”
- “I’ve been working really hard on my Dougie-ing this semester, can I show you? I’m gonna show you.”
- “That’s a pretty cool looking gash on your knee, how did that happen? Would you like a bandaid?” (Carry bandaids and any other small items you think people may need, like Advil and gum. Another great way to make friends.)
- “I’ve been holding in my pee for the past two hours – kinda a new record, but like, no biggie.”
- “What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without doing your laundry?”
- “Would you like to trade middle names for the day?”
- “Favorite Ratty meal on the count of three: 1, 2, 3 CARROTS AND TEQUILA!… Oh.”
- “I’m single.”
- “Are you single?”
- “Are you sure you don’t like girls?”
- “Will you please hold my fanny pack while I use the bathroom?” (Chance are this won’t end well for you.)