It’s an almost universally agreed upon fact that Facebook changes suck. We like our social networks reliable and unmodified, gosh darnit! So when the cover photo was introduced, we were naturally all a bit hesitant. Two profile pictures? We initially thought to ourselves. What is this hootenanny?
But Facebook users
are narcissistic embraced the cover photo and utilized it as a form of expression, posting awkwardly-sized, rectangular images of everything from their favorite place to their favorite artist. After some thorough Facebook stalking research, we deduced what each type of cover photo says about you:
The Beyonce: We feel your pain. Other Beyonce fans are tough to find; you’ve got to broadcast your obsession in the off chance you’ll get a couple of likes from some fellow Bey enthusiasts hiding out there somewhere. But seriously, this ubiquitous choice isn’t all that bad. You’ve got good taste in music… and humans. Sadly, you don’t win any creativity points.
The nature scene: “This website is pretty nice I guess,” Zuckerberg worried to himself the night he conceived the cover photo, “but it needs more sweet pics of people standing in front of mountains.” The nature cover photo became an instant staple. Today, you can’t stalk for long without coming across a picture of dirty people standing in front of a lake. For the most part, these send the right kinds of messages. You’ve got an adventurous side, you’ve seen some incredible sights and you know how to take a decent picture. Unless you pulled it off of Google. That’s not okay.
The friends pic: This a similar concept to when we were in middle school and put our best friends’ initials in our AIM away messages (ILYSM BFFAEAETTDUP!!! <3). Who you put in this cover photo is a statement – your friends say as much about you as do the pictures you choose to represent yourself with.
The drunk friends pic: Just dRiNkiN with mah gUrLz! You want people to know that you like to have a good time… and that you still look halfway decent after your fourth drink. If you haven’t posted one of these, you’ve probably been lurking in the background of one at some party.
The TV show screenshot: This cover photo is a great way to express your devotion to your favorite show, and to show your Facebook friends that you’re current, hip, and in the loop. However, not everyone does this right: Facebook is not the venue to showcase your top 15 Seth Cohen moments.
The food shot: You appreciate a fine dining experience, or you’re trying to show off your cooking skills. Either way, you’re probably a good date.
The indecipherable, edgy pattern: Oh nice, velociraptor stencils superimposed over a warped image of Marilyn Monroe’s face. Provocative. Confrontational.
The cover photo featuring mainly yourself (doubling up with the profile pic): In the words of Carly Simon: “You’re so vain, I bet you think this [post] is about you.” Newsflash: It kinda is, just like you’ve decided your entire Facebook page should be.
The weird-looking cover photo that clearly doesn’t have the right proportions to make a good cover photo but the person wanted it as his/her cover photo so badly that he/she just went with it anyway: Aesthetic isn’t your middle name, but your commitment to your fave photo is admirable.
The Wes Anderson movie still: These are pretty common these days. What your Wes Anderson cover photo says about you depends on the one you pick: If you throw up a shot of Bruce Willis and Edward Norton looking inept, it’s pretty obvious you just saw Moonrise Kingdom for the first time. If you put up a shot of Steve Zissou shooting at some pirates, you’re probably more of a long-time fan. Or you could just be a fan of sweet color palettes.
The fraternity/sorority rush cover photo: This is a great way of pledging your allegiance to your brothas or sistahs. And no, those Theta girls aren’t reenacting a birth scene with their bodies- our research indicates it’s called a “kite.”
The blank cover photo: You refuse to conform to the ever-changing Facebook layout. Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis.